English: Would someone please help me with my English?

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allf100
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Fri Oct 30, 2020 9:02 am

Thank you very much for your help, Deinonysus. :)
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Fri Dec 31, 2021 11:59 am

Hello,

Would someone please proofread the following piece I wrote for exercise only? If it is too long to correct them all, I'd appreciate even if one or a few mistakes are pointed out and corrected.


Review of 2021

The year of 2021 is grinding to its end, and now I am greeting for the year of 2022 which will come within a few hours. I'd like to look back upon the days during 2021.

I've learned to cook with some easy cuisines, and fixed my dripping water tap on my own according to some video tutorials. And the biggest achievement of mine is I have lost weight for around thirteen kilograms.

I have been in dejection/depression for years. I wouldn't like to look into mirror, and indulged myself into food, and went to restaurant even during midnight, not really being hungry, but honestly just seeking comfort in food. My legs, especially footbacks became swelling due to my sedentary lifestyle.

On almost the very first day of 2021, I told myself 'Go, have some workout. I don't allow you to give yourself up'. Since then, I have hardly burnt my midnight oil. Every morning I go to do some physical exercises in a square.

One month later, an older strange man came over to me saying, 'You have been exercising here for a long time, but it seems to me you didn't lose a bit of weight'. I simply nodded my head, but not answered, continuing my workout. I didn't like what he said to me, though he said it in good faith. In hypnosis, it is called negative suggestions. And if my subconscious mind accepted that, I would be damned. I did feel much better during the month. I didn't want to lose my weight too quickly, but steadily. I didn't buy a bathroom scale at that time, but I knew I had lost some weight.

Thus, day after day, workout after workout. I lost many weight gradually. My clothes I was wearing became voluminous. During this summer, I kept working out. Another man told me,' it is so hot. Do you still wanna keep at it? ' I nodded my head, simply said 'Yes'!

In September, I was already able to wear my old clothes again I wore a few years ago. Quite a few people from my neigbors to some people whom I didn't know much told me 'You has lost a lot of weight. You seemed to change to be anyother person.etc'. I was pleased to hear that but I wouldn't like to talk about my weight with them. I would be happy if people really care about my soul but not my shell in which I temporarily live.

I appreciate the verse - 'But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you' in When You Are Old by Irish poet Willian Yeats. Do people including me really care other people's souls? Many of us just look at the appearances but don't want to look into souls of peoples, i.e. loves, friends.

Workout is not a torture to me now. I've learned to enjoy it. I wish I will continue losing another five or ten kilograms in the upcoming year of 2022.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby rdearman » Fri Dec 31, 2021 12:13 pm

allf100 wrote:Hello,

Would someone please proofread the following piece I wrote for exercise only? If it is too long to correct them all, I'd appreciate even if one or a few mistakes are pointed out and corrected.


Review of 2021

The year of 2021 is grinding to its end, and now I am greeting for the year of 2022 which will come within a few hours. I'd like to look back upon the days during 2021.

I've learned to cook with some easy cuisines, and fixed my dripping water tap on my own according to some video tutorials. And the biggest achievement of mine is I have lost weight for around twenty-six kilograms.

I have been in dejection/depression for years. I wouldn't like to look into mirror, and indulged myself into food, and went to restaurant even during midnight, not really being hungry, but honestly just seeking comfort in food. My legs, especially footbacks (this is not a word, could be calf, heel?)became swelling due to my sedentary lifestyle.

On almost the very first day of 2021, I told myself(,) 'Go, have some workout. I don't allow you to give yourself up'. since then, I hardly has(,) burnt my midnight oil. Every morning I go to do some physical exercises in a square.

One month later, an older strange man came over me saying, 'You have been exercising here for a long time, but it seems to me you didn't lose a bit of weight'. I simply nodded my head, but not answered, continuing my workout. I didn't like what he said to me, though he said it in good faith. In hypnosis, it is called negative suggestion. And if my subscious (misspelt - subconscious)mind accepted that, I would be damned. I did feel much better during the month. I didn't want to lose my weight too quickly, but steadily. I didn't buy a bathroom scale at that time, but I knew I had lost some weight.

Thus, day after day, workout after workout. I lost many weight (a lot of wieght) gradually. My clothes I was wearing became voluminous. During this summer, I kept working out. Another man told me,' it is so hot. Do you still wanna keep at it? ' I nodded my head, simply said 'Yes'!

In September, I was already able to wear my old clothes again I wore a few years ago. Quite a few people from my neigbors (misspelt - neighbours) to some people whom I didn't know much (well) told me 'You has (have) lost a lot of weight. You seemed to change to be any(space here)other person.etc (I doubt they said etc so it shouldn't be inside the quotation marks)'. I was pleased to hear that but I wouldn't like to talk about my weight with them. I would be happy if people really care about my soul but not my shell in which I temporarily live.

I appreciate the verse - 'But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you' in When You Are Old by Irish poet Willian Yeats. Do people including me really care other people's souls? Many of us just look at the appearances but not want to look into souls of peoples, i.e. loves, friends.

Workout is not a torture to me now. I've learned to enjoy it. I wish I will continue losing (I hope to continue to lose) another five to ten kilograms in the upcoming year of 2022.


So I didn't really put any corrections for things you have in quotation marks ' ' because this means that is literally what was said, even if it was poorly formed English. But most of the stuff in the quotation marks are not well formed English sentences.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby Le Baron » Fri Dec 31, 2021 2:35 pm

I've been strict. :D But fear not there is much good in what you wrote.

allf100 wrote:Hello,

Would someone please proofread the following piece I wrote for exercise only? If it is too long to correct them [all the mistakes], I'd appreciate even if one or a few mistakes are were pointed out and corrected.


Review of 2021

The year of 2021 is grinding to its end, and now I am greeting for (an unnatural construction) the year of 2022 which will come [arrive is better] within a few hours. I'd like to look back upon the days what happened during 2021.

I've learned to cook with some easy cuisines dishes, and fixed my dripping water tap on my own according by following some video tutorials. And the my biggest achievement of mine is that I have lost thirteen kilogrammes in weight for around thirteen kilograms.

I have been in dejection/depression for years. I wouldn't didn't like to look into mirror, and indulged myself into with food, and went to the restaurant even during at midnight; not really being hungry, but honestly just seeking comfort in food. My legs, especially footbacks my calves or heels (as rdearman noted) became swelling swelled up due to my sedentary lifestyle.

On almost the very first day of 2021, I told myself 'Go, have some work out. I don't allow you to give yourself to give up'. Since then, I have hardly burnt my midnight oil. Every morning I go to do some physical exercises in a square.

One month later, an strange older strange man came over to me saying, 'You have been exercising here for a long time, but it seems to me you didn't lose a bit of haven't lost much weight'. I simply nodded my head, but not answered didn't answer, continuing my workout. I didn't like what he said to me, though he said it in good faith. In hypnosis, it is called negative suggestions. And if my subconscious mind had accepted that, I would be damned. I did feel much better during the month. I didn't want to lose my weight too quickly, but steadily. I didn't buy a bathroom scale at that time, but I knew I had lost some weight.

Thus, day after day, workout after workout. I lost many a lot of weight gradually. My clothes I was wearing became voluminous. During this summer, I kept working out. Another man told me,' it is so hot. Do you still wanna (nasty slang) want to keep at it? ' I nodded my head and simply said 'Yes'!

In September, I was already able to wear my old clothes again I wore which I'd worn a few years ago previously. Quite a few people, from my neighbours to some people whom I didn't know much, told me 'You has have lost a lot of weight. You seemed to change to be into anyother person.etc'. I was pleased to hear that, but I wouldn't like to talk about my weight with them. I would be happy if people really cared about my soul but not my shell in which I temporarily live.

I appreciate the verse - 'But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you' in When You Are Old by Irish poet William Yeats. Do people including me really care other people's souls? Many of us just look at the appearances but don't want to look into souls of peoples, i.e. loves, friends.

Working out is not a torture to me now. I've learned to enjoy it. I wish I will hope to continue to lose another five or ten kilograms in the upcoming year of 2022.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Sat Jan 01, 2022 1:20 pm

Hello rdearman and Le Baron,

It's very kind of you to take your precious time to proofread my writing carefully. Please be strict with me. I do appreciate because that's why I post here. I am eager to improve my English.

I meant my instep, which I misspelt as 'footback', became swelling due to my sedentary lifestyle. Now that problem has gone as a result of my workout.

I have some questions about your corrections as below:

1. Why did you correct my wording from 'I wish' to 'I hope'?
I am unable to tell from the different meanings or usage between them. In the context, I thought I made a wish for the New Year so I used 'I wish'. Is it because 'hope' can be realized?

2. I had thought 'wanna' is colloquial for 'want to'. So even if it is colloquial, is it still bad English to say 'wanna'?

Besides the questions above, I also posted questions titled Season's Greetings on the sub-forum named 'Travel and Culture'. Would either of you or someone else please help me with the questions when you have time?

Here's the link.
https://forum.language-learners.org/viewtopic.php?f=23&p=200524&sid=a5593f0b15dd44db2ce5bcf1ac195671#p200524

Thank you so much! Happy New Year to you!
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby rdearman » Sat Jan 01, 2022 1:32 pm

Hope, a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.
Wish, feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that cannot or probably will not happen.

So a hope is more likely to happen than a wish.

Wanna, is typically used in speaking because it is spoken quickly and the words run together. But written words don't run together so should be separated.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby Le Baron » Sat Jan 01, 2022 7:42 pm

allf100 wrote:Now that problem has gone as a result of my workout.

Just out of interest, what kind of exercise are you doing?
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Sun Jan 02, 2022 9:54 am

Thank you very much for your help again, rdearman.

Le Baron wrote:
allf100 wrote:Now that problem has gone as a result of my workout.

Just out of interest, what kind of exercise are you doing?


I play a special tennis alone. The tennis racket and ball are ordinary, but there's a spring string of which one end is attached to the ball. The other end of the string has to be pressed under a brick. When I whack the ball forward, it will bounce back.

I also do some aerobic gymnastics including HIIT, following some vbloggers' tutorials such as German Pamela Reif etc, rope jumping, etc. sometimes.

I am going to do some strength exercises. I have bought a barbell, but I haven't used it.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby lyricist » Sun Jan 09, 2022 11:34 am

Hello me at the contrary i love sports and I don't feel that like a constraint.Me also I need to ameliorate my English but I don't arrive at do it.
It's useful for me because I want to have the post of lyricist or a post in economic.I write a lot of songs in English but I don't think this help me and that my language sound better.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby Deinonysus » Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:29 am

lyricist wrote:Hello me at the contrary i love sports and I don't feel that like a constraint.Me also I need to ameliorate my English but I don't arrive at do it.
It's useful for me because I want to have the post of lyricist or a post in economic.I write a lot of songs in English but I don't think this help me and that my language sound better.

It looks like you are not able to think in English, you just think in French and translate each word individually into English. But the result is that your writing is not natural and sometimes I can't even tell what you're trying to say.

I think something good for you to work on would be to get a feel for how words in English go together. I would recommend Duolingo as a good free resource that will let you practice translating full sentences back and forth between English and French. It will not let you type translations that are too unnatural so it will be a good way to measure how you are doing. Since you like music, you may also want to memorize songs in English. That might help you to pick out groups of words that go together in a certain way in English, although music lyrics aren't always written the way people actually speak so you will need to watch out for that.

Here are a few specific suggestions:

In English we don't start sentences with "me" nearly as often as you would start a sentence with "moi" in French. Also, "at the contrary" is not used in English, we would say "on the contrary", but that isn't very common in everyday speech. A more natural sentence would be "As for me, I like sports".

"And I don't feel that like a constraint": I don't know what this is supposed to mean.

The word "ameliorate" is a word in English, but it is very rare and a lot of people will not know it. It's the kind of word you might see in a scientific paper. "I need to improve my English" is more natural.

"I don't arrive at it": We don't use "arrive" this way in English. You could say "I haven't managed to do it".
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