English: Would someone please help me with my English?

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allf100
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English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Tue Oct 13, 2020 10:51 pm

Hello,

I'd like to improve my English writing. So I will frequently post some short texts here. Would someone please correct my errors in the texts? I can do the same for the people who would like to practise their Chinese writing. Just post your link. I will be glad to be of assistance, no matter you can help me or not.

This is the first text. I hope someone can proofread it for me, and I mean it too.

Thank you very much! :)
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tangleweeds
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby tangleweeds » Tue Oct 13, 2020 11:12 pm

That is mostly very good. You have a couple of short stand-alone sentences that a native speaker might join with a conjunction like "and" or "so". Such short simple stand-alone sentences are less commonly used, though they are in no way incorrect.

The only real problem I see is:
allf100 wrote: no matter you can help me or not.
no matter whether you can help me or not.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby devilyoudont » Wed Oct 14, 2020 12:05 am

Another possibility

allf100 wrote:Hello,

I'd like to improve my English writing, so I will frequently post some short texts here. Would someone please correct my errors in the texts? I can do the same for the people who would like to practice their Chinese writing. Just post your link. I will be glad to be of assistance, no matter if you can help me or not.

This is the first text. I hope someone can proofread it for me, and I mean it too.

Thank you very much! :)


You did a great job.
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allf100
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Wed Oct 14, 2020 12:37 am

Hello tangleweeds and devilyoudont,

It is very kind of you to help me. Thank you very much! :D
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby Beosweyne » Wed Oct 14, 2020 4:59 am

"To practise" is in fact the correct spelling in British English. The British (and Australians, South Africans, etc.) spell the noun with C and verb with S:

"Her Majesty practises Taekwondo."
"Taekwondo practice will be after tea-time."

Americans would write both as "practice", as devilyoudont showed.
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allf100
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Thu Oct 15, 2020 11:13 am

Hello Beosweyne. I'm grateful for your help.


This is a Chinese joke I heard many years ago, and I added my comment in the last sentence. Would someone please touch it up if there are any errors or unnatural expressions? Thank you very much!

A highflyer hears a young woman calls his boss 'Dad', so he decides to pursue her. If he marries his boss's daughter, he can be promoted in the big company. A week later, he gets the boot. It turns out she is his boss's daughter-in-law.

Whatever we hear, or see is not always the truth.
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby Axon » Thu Oct 15, 2020 7:32 pm

allf100 wrote:Hello Beosweyne. I'm grateful for your help.


This is a Chinese joke I heard many years ago, and I added my comment in the last sentence. Would someone please touch it up if there are any errors or unnatural expressions? Thank you very much!

A highflyer hears a young woman calls his boss 'Dad', so he decides to pursue her. If he marries his boss's daughter, he can be promoted in the big company. A week later, he gets the boot. It turns out she is his boss's daughter-in-law.

Whatever we hear, or see is not always the truth.


Hi allf100,

When you say "touch up" (润色) I think of directly making changes to visual art like a photo or a design. Some people may disagree, but here I would prefer "make suggestions" or "let me know if there are any errors." We can't edit your comment directly; all we can do is suggest changes.

I don't use the word "highflyer" and it seems odd or outdated in my dialect. I'd simply say "businessman" or "young businessman." Maybe saying "junior partner" would help give the mental image of someone who wants to get promoted.

hears a young woman calls his boss -> hears a young woman call his boss

if he marries... can be promoted -> if he married... get promoted / get a promotion. I'd say "could" because it's not very certain that he would get a promotion.

in the big company: it's odd to have this part here. You haven't mentioned any particular company yet, and you don't need to say "promotion in the company." I'd put it at the beginning: "A junior partner at a big company..."

"It turns out she is..." sounds like the story is going to continue. But since it's the punchline of the joke, I'd put it in past tense: "It turned out she was his boss's daughter-in-law."

In English, we don't usually have commentary or summary sentences after jokes. I think I've seen it before, but it sounds pretty old-fashioned to me. For your sentence, I would say "What we see or hear may not always be the truth."

A junior partner at a big company hears a young woman call his boss "Dad," so he decides to pursue her. If he married his boss's daughter, he could get a promotion. A week later, though, he gets the boot. It turned out she was his boss's daughter-in-law.
What we see or hear may not always be the truth.
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allf100
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Fri Oct 16, 2020 2:42 am

Axon wrote:
Hi allf100,
When you say "touch up" (润色) I think of directly making changes to visual art like a photo or a design. Some people may disagree, but here I would prefer "make suggestions" or "let me know if there are any errors." We can't edit your comment directly; all we can do is suggest changes.
...


Hello Axon,

I greatly appreciate the suggestions and corrections you made for me. Thank you very much! :D
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allf100
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby allf100 » Mon Oct 19, 2020 9:26 am

Hello! Woud someone please make suggestions on my text below? Thank you very much! :D



Being a home bird for quite a long time, I've put on quite a lot of weigh, and I feel physically uncomfortable because of lacking sports. I don't like jogging, meanwhile I especially concern it would hurt my knees if I didn't run properly. I enjoy cycling which is a very nice aerobic exercise.

Double 11 (November 11th) which is an annual online shopping carnival in China. By then, many online business to business shops will promote their products by giving discounts, and I want to buy a foldable bicycle for myself.
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DaveAgain
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Re: English: Would someone please help me with my English?

Postby DaveAgain » Mon Oct 19, 2020 10:40 am

allf100 wrote:Hello! Woud someone please make suggestions on my text below? Thank you very much! :D



Being a home bird [?] for quite a long time, I've put on quite a lot of weigh weight, and I feel physically uncomfortable because of lacking sports lack of exercise. I don't like jogging, meanwhile I especially concern I worry it would hurt my knees if I didn't run properly. I enjoy cycling which is a very nice aerobic exercise.

Double 11 (November 11th) which is an annual online shopping carnival in China. By then On that date, many online business to business shops will promote their products by giving discounts, and I want to buy a foldable [folding?] bicycle for myself.
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