Help - Tame my Talkative Tutor? Or Maybe Blessing in Disguise?

[issemiyaki]

Any advice on how to navigate lessons with talkative tutors?

I can either look at this as a challenge or a disaster. Currently, I’m conflicted.

Positive first. My tutor is very enthusiastic and talks a mile a minute. He gives me that overwhelming sensation that you get when you’re in a foreign country and it sounds like everyone is speaking SOOO fast, but they really aren't, it's just you who's a bit on the slow side. So, this is great because it requires me to think on my feet.

However, the reason I’m taking classes is to work on my grammatical issues through conversation.

Clearly, I understand that conversation doesn’t mean that I am the one who is always talking.

But during a recent lesson, I found myself playing the role of the diligent listener the majority of the time. Originally, it pissed me off and I shut down. I thought: "This guy is not letting me get a word in edgewise." I even found myself having to talk over him in order to jump into the action. After a while I became discouraged, and when I did get a chance to speak, I didn’t have much to say, despite being fairly up to date on the issue. Many of my responses ended up being: "Wow, really" or "I didn't know that," which made me appear like a naive child. Then I made the dreaded mistake of "asking questions" about the stories he was telling. (I couldn't help myself. They were interesting stories.) But those questions opened the door to 3 to 4 minute answers. (Answers to questions regarding government corruption are never short.)

Now I see why teachers make students talk about their own countries of origin. I may have erred in deciding to talk about my tutor’s country. This gave him the advantage since he knows more about what’s going on on the ground than I do. However, I wish he could have incorporated me in the conversation more often.

Since I recorded the 60-minute lesson, I could check to see exactly how much I spoke compared to him. Over the 60-minute lesson, I got in 12 minutes. (That means my tutor spoke for 80% of the lesson.) (He's also a professional public speaker, by the way.) Now, I am fairly fluent. I’ve lived, worked and studied overseas, and have no problem keeping up with current events. But even for me, this was a concerning experience.

But again, on the positive side, I learned a ton of new expressions (doesn’t mean I know how to use them myself) by I was introduced to them.

And what about the grammar problems I'm supposed to be working on? And the fluency? I’m not sure how I can work on that by listening 80% of the time.

Conflicted part: I feel attached to this teacher because he's demanding, and he's constantly sending me things to read. So, emotionally, I feel like he's in my corner, and nothing creates a stronger teacher-student bond than knowing that a teacher wants you to succeed. I also feel like he has a lot to offer. So, maybe next time I can come to the lesson with a bit more to say about the issues, or we could switch the topic of discussion to the U.S. where I might have the homefield advantage.

Views? Opinions? What do you think?

[Ani]

There are a LOT of tutors out there. I would be honest with him and say something along the lines of "It is really interesting to hear stories about xxx, but I really want to get more practice speaking and your feedback on grammar based on that. Lets try talking about something where I can speak more freely and you can give me such and such type of feedback". If he reacts well, then it is all good. If he doesn't, you found out in a hurry that this isn't the tutor for you. I would not pay to listen to someone over 45 minutes of my lesson.

[issemiyaki]

@Ani - thanks so much. Well said.

[issemiyaki]

I forgot to add, I've been through quite a few tutors, and he's one of the best when it comes to error correction, which is why I'm hesitant to say see ya' later.

[aokoye]

I totally agree with Ani - you need to be direct with him about you want/need out of your sessions. If he responds favorably and actually puts that into practice then great, problem solved. If not then it's time to get a new tutor.

[Hellion]

I don´t think tutors are ´fighting our corner´ tbh. I think they´re running a business to make money (which is fine obviously), but I don´t think loyalty to a tutor should be a thing (unless you just really like speaking to them). I´ve never understood brand loyalty, and I don´t understand tutor loyalty. If you´re frustrated with him, find another tutor, there are plenty out there. You´re the one paying, if he´s not providing what you want/need, then it´s money down the drain.

[Ani]

I never understood why asking for advice is the first port of call for people.
.

a.) Because they are uncomfortable with confrontation.
b.) Because they haven't formulated exactly what they want coherently yet.
c.) Because culturally they are used to being told what service they will receive for payment and are unused to the idea of telling another person what should be provided for the money.
d.) Because talking things out is a validating experience

I am sure there are plenty more...

[Stelle]

This isn't a conversation, it's a paid turoting session. The student should really be doing the bulk of the talking. Tell him by email if you're not comfortable doing it during a session.

It might help to choose a topic beforehand that you want to practice talking about. For example, tell him that you want to practice talking about food or sustainable development or the Olympics (whatever floats your boat) and ask him to ask you questions about the topic. Throughout, he could help you with brief corrections and with rewording things to sound more natural. Then, you could switch roles during the last ten minutes, and you ask him questions about the same topic - good for practicing asking questions, listening comprehension, and cultural exchange.

[arthaey]

If you have the time, money, and inclination, you could keep this tutor for what he's good at, while continuing to look for a speaking/grammar tutor.

[rdearman]

Maybe, but it would be a lot easier and quicker and therefore more cost-effective to just tell them what you want. If i have guitar lessons and i like metal but the guy just teaches me some pop tune on day one, but all i want to do is play metal, surely the first point of call is just to tell the guy ? 9 times out of 10 he will just say 'yeah, let's just play some metal then' instead of having to go round the houses with ifs or buts.

The simplest solution is usually the quickest and most effective.

Yeah, but your tutor might say, "I hate metal, find someone else to teach you", and you might miss out on a wider experience and more useful learning because you insisted on doing things your way.

Don't forget the OP said they like this tutor for other reasons, and this is just one thing which annoyed them, no point in burning bridges.