Do you talk to strangers?

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Wayfarer
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Do you talk to strangers?

Postby Wayfarer » Mon Jan 30, 2023 7:17 am

I've just started learning Dutch. I was in a shop, and I overheard some people speaking Dutch. At first, I was tempted to go up to them and say 'goedemiddag!' I didn't though, because:

1. I didn't want to disturb or annoy them;

2. I've been learning Dutch for just going on two weeks. I'm still very much a beginner.

Still, afterwards I regretted not saying anything. I couldn't have said much, but I could have said 'Hi! Do you speak Dutch? Are you from Holland? My name is... and I'm learning Dutch. I don't speak it well, but I can speak it a little' etc. It feels like a missed opportunity.

My question to language learners here is: do you talk to strangers? I don't mean so much an organized tandem or tutoring session with someone you don't know. Rather, if you come across some 'in the wild' who speaks a language you're learning, do you dive in and have a go, or hold off?

If you don't speak up, why? If you do speak, do you wait till you're at a particular level, or just try at any level?
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby vonPeterhof » Mon Jan 30, 2023 8:23 am

In general I don't, unless I have reasons (or excuses) to talk to them that aren't directly related to me just wanting to chat in their language, like if they look like they're in need of help or if I have some specific questions in mind. For example, I was once on an intercity train reading a book in Japanese while a couple from Japan were sitting a couple of rows in front of me. When I came across a word I couldn't read I approached them to ask them about it (technically I could have just looked it up myself, but the spotty internet signal on the train worked to reinforce my excuse ;) ).

I guess the closest I've come to talking to strangers IRL just to practice languages was at receptions at the embassy I work at, where diplomats from other embassies were present. Technically as a representative of the embassy hosting the reception I was expected to be able to entertain the guests, but my primary duty was to provide interpreting services and guidance to anyone who needed them, and for most diplomats conversing with low-ranking clerks isn't exactly a priority when visiting another embassy, so I would only approach people when they weren't engaged in conversation with anyone else, especially if they looked bored. My level didn't bother me too much in this setting as long as I could say a few phrases about how and why I had tried learning their language and how I visited or wanted to visit their countries.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby Wayfarer » Mon Jan 30, 2023 8:52 am

Thanks vonPeterhof!

So, generally you approach strangers only when there is a need or reason. That makes sense. As I said, I didn't want to annoy the people in the shop. I think you're probably right in your approach.

Also good to hear you don't let your level worry you too much when you do speak. When I do have the opportunity to speak, I think being brave and not worrying about the mistakes I'll inevitably make will be important.

It sounds like your job gives you some good opportunities to practise. Lucky you!
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby leosmith » Mon Jan 30, 2023 9:23 am

Wayfarer wrote:if you come across some 'in the wild' who speaks a language you're learning, do you dive in and have a go, or hold off? If you don't speak up, why? If you do speak, do you wait till you're at a particular level, or just try at any level?
I do, but only if the mood strikes me. Here are some of my more memorable conversations. I remember back in 2007, my first trip to China, talking to just about anyone who would talk back, and my Mandarin was really weak back them. But that's how I met my ex-gf and numerous language partners. I've done it in the US many times. I remember speaking Swahili with some people in the grocery store that just needed to be rudely interrupted. I tried (and failed) to pick up a Thai woman on the running trail once.

And I've done it while traveling, in different languages from the host country. In Thailand, I interpreted for a drunk Russian guy trying to pick up a Thai woman. I spoke Mandarin to a guy from Hong Kong but broke it off abruptly because he wanted to get really political. I interpreted for a French lady who didn't like the price for riding elephants.

However, I normally just listen in. Sometimes I regret not talking, because I imagine it to be a lost opportunity, but I don't regret it very much. It's actually nice to have a "wingman" for this, come to think of it. Like a friend who goes "Hey - my friend speaks X too!" and so I do. Or a language exchange partner who competes with me in talking to every foreigner we bump into after the exchange. Or a buddy to go bar hopping in a foreign country with the primary goal of practicing conversation with locals. Wingmen make me much braver.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby alaart » Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:08 am

I did talk a lot to strangers , mostly 2016/2017 and I've met at least Japanese, Chinese and Dutch friends like that. It can lead to interesting encounters for sure, and sometimes I get invited and they introduce me to their friends or activities.

The two highlights that just came to my mind:
I remember one time in Berlin I spoke to a group of Dutch people and they turned out to be an 'a cappella' group of singers, that came to Berlin for a concert. They went partying in Berlin through the night and did random "flash mob" style singing in the metro and city, while I just tagged a long and spoke Dutch with everybody. Eventually in the morning after drinking the whole night I said goodbye.

In Japan I spoke to a Chinese girl in the country side at the train station and she invited me to travel with her. I skipped my university classes for a week and went with her, afterwards she returned to China.

Sometimes the conversations can become tiring because it can go into: "Why do you speak my language?" kind of dialogue, which I don't always want to have. But overall the responses are normally positive, and people want to talk to me. And I'm glad I did that.

Nowadays I do it a lot less, I just remember speaking to a Brazilian girl at the neighbor table in a cafeteria in summer - must have been the last time. But I had many more opportunities, in fact just 2-3 days ago, and I didn't do it. I have less confidence since the pandemic, even though my language level is better - but maybe my active speaking ability has declined a lot. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the time, or I am currently working on another language, or I don't need more friends in that language.. - but I always regret it and wish that I did just speak up.

Maybe this thread will encourage me to do it again. The easiest way to do it is probably to drive to Berlin and speak to the tourists there. It takes me just a couple of minutes walking through the sightseeing hot-spots and I hear all the languages that I know. I've walked around there listening or when I'm with friends, but I have not acted upon that idea.

As for speaking levels.. I have more courage if I'm fluent, but actually some of the encounters I had were when I was a beginner, and it worked just as fine. My first Chinese friend was approached to me in Japanese :roll: - and I did not speak any Chinese. So all is possible.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby Wayfarer » Mon Jan 30, 2023 11:35 am

Thanks for sharing, leosmith and alaart! It sounds like you've both had some very memorable experiences come from talking to strangers in their languages.

alaart wrote:
Sometimes the conversations can become tiring because it can go into: "Why do you speak my language?" kind of dialogue

You bring up a good point. Such conversations can be quite predictable, and so could be prepped in advanced. When I'm studying, I sometimes imagine what I would say to a native speaker. But maybe I should be more systematic and script probable initial conversations.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby allf100 » Mon Jan 30, 2023 11:39 am

I talked to them once many years ago.

I lived in a small city where almost no foregners will visit here. One day I ran into several foreigners in the street, and I decided to talk to them to practice my English.

I mustered my courage and came up to them, "Hello, may I talk to you? I am learning English", something like that.

I didn't care if they would refuse me. I was so eager to talk to a real native speaker in reality.

They didn't refuse me. And I accompanied them to the hotel they lodged in. They treaeted me a bottle of mineral water.

Though we didn't talk too long, this experience greatly helped me and give me much of confidence! -'Wow, we could understand each other!!!'

Later I moved to Shanghai where there were many foreign friends, colleages, supervisors with whom I could talked.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby rdearman » Mon Jan 30, 2023 11:53 am

Recently I travelled to Milan for the sole and only reason to speak Italian with strangers. But you are talking about daily life. I have sparked up conversations with French and Italian speakers while commuting on the train in and out of London (they can't escape from me!)

I have tried spending some poor mandarin to food stall owners in markets in Watford or restaurant near me. Although this switched quickly to a conversation in English because they spoke Cantonese.

But a cautionary tale for you. I recently did a language exchange with a Korean woman who worked in a Japanese restaurant in the states for two years and she was constantly spoken to in Japanese. She didn't understand anything and just told them she was Korean. So. Not everyone who is Chinese speaks mandarin and not everyone working in a Japanese restaurant is Japanese.

But for French and Italian I have had generally good experiences just talking to people. I will talk to anyone but my only restriction is if the are busy or working.

EDIT: I did walk up to two ladies who were speaking what I believed was some Africa language (I was learning Setswana at the time) to enquire what they were speaking. Turns out it was Afrikaans, but they were nice, and we chatted for a few moments before I returned to my table.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby tastyonions » Mon Jan 30, 2023 12:46 pm

Unless it's an exceptional situation, e.g. someone who speaks the language obviously struggling with English, I generally do it only if it's a language that's not commonly heard in the place I am. I doubt most of the millions of native Spanish speakers in Texas want some random dude walking up to practice his Spanish with them. But if I hear Italian or Portuguese I might try because people who speak those are usually excited to meet someone who speaks their language here.

I even heard a group speaking Danish in a restaurant once, and though I don't speak the language at all I felt I had to walk up to them and confirm they were in fact speaking Danish. They seemed pleasantly surprised that I even knew which language they were speaking.

:D
Last edited by tastyonions on Mon Jan 30, 2023 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Do you talk to strangers?

Postby Iversen » Mon Jan 30, 2023 2:20 pm

Only if there is some specific reason to do so - but once I get started I'm hard to stop. For some reason I don't like to start speaking to people just because they are standing or sitting near me - and then it doesn't matter what language they speak. But I have several times helped people who struggled to identify some critter in a zoo or who obviously struggled to find something on a map, and needing geographical information myself is obvious an even better excuse. Staff in hotel receptions or eateries or tourist informations are obvious targets, and while my local library had a 'language cafe' I was a regular guest there - which had the advantage that I never knew beforehand who else might turn up - which on the other hand could be one of the reasons that the format didn't really catch on - most people apparently want to know whether there is somebody else who speaks their preferred language before they don their traveling suits and leave home.

But just walking up to people and incommodating them for no obvious reason is not my thing.
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