Language learning and social engineering

Ask specific questions about your target languages. Beginner questions welcome!
User avatar
Carmody
Black Belt - 1st Dan
Posts: 1747
Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2016 4:00 am
Location: NYC, NY
Languages: English (N)
French (B1)
Language Log: http://tinyurl.com/zot7wrs
x 3395

Language learning and social engineering

Postby Carmody » Tue Jan 25, 2022 4:55 pm

It seems to me that this Forum has a very large number of very intelligent people who have mastered the art of learning a language and in so doing discovered the strategies of social engineering that were necessary to make it happen.

Or, to phrase it differently, since language learning requires the investment of massive amounts of time, how do you put in the time without aggravating your spouse, significant other, children, etc. ???
5 x

BeaP
Green Belt
Posts: 405
Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2021 8:18 am
Languages: Hungarian (N), English, German, Spanish, French, Italian
x 1990

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby BeaP » Tue Jan 25, 2022 5:32 pm

This is a very hard (and good) question. I think I'm lucky with my husband, because he's an intelligent man with his own hobbies, so he understands this need to know more. I often say that I envy those mothers who have zero intellectual needs, because they have time for much more. But in reality, I don't envy them at all. There are moments when I feel a little guilty that I don't play or study with my kids as much as I could. But most of the time I simply think that I have to be a good model for them, and this is the most important thing. I don't want my girls to see a victim or a saint (or a simpleton), I'd like them to learn that they have to share work and responsibilities, that we have to help each other to achieve our goals, and while we care for each other we can't be slaves to each other. So I usually ask for an hour of solitude and when it's over I'm theirs again. I also think it's good that they see that their mother is an avid learner. This model is worth more than anything a teacher can give.
11 x

jmar257
Green Belt
Posts: 268
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2020 2:41 pm
Location: USA
Languages: English (N), español (Intermediate), français (Lower Intermediate), deutsch (beginner)
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... hp?t=15645
x 680

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby jmar257 » Tue Jan 25, 2022 5:42 pm

My language learning didn't really take off in terms of consistency, progress, etc. until my long-term girlfriend broke up with me a few years ago so I'm not sure I can really answer this lol. It's always a struggle to balance time between this and my other hobbies and life responsibilities. Current goal is to find a significant other who speaks another language or is into language learning (and that I also like to spend time with :lol: )

My best answer is the age old "replace what you like to do with that same thing in your TL". For me the biggest one is reading, but I've started playing video games in other languages (although I'm not a huge video game player) and watching TV (same).
7 x
Feel free to give me corrections in any of my target languages!

User avatar
luke
Brown Belt
Posts: 1243
Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2015 9:09 pm
Languages: English (N). Spanish (intermediate), Esperanto (B1), French (intermediate but rusting)
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... 15&t=16948
x 3631

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby luke » Tue Jan 25, 2022 5:45 pm

Carmody wrote:Or, to phrase it differently, since language learning requires the investment of massive amounts of time, how do you put in the time without aggravating your spouse, significant other, children, etc. ???

Take her to France!
BeaP wrote:But most of the time I simply think that I have to be a good model for them, and this is the most important thing.

And that's why I tell my Mom - as often as I need to - that she was a good Mom because she set a good example. "Look at how your kids turned out". She can't argue with that. :lol:
Last edited by luke on Tue Jan 25, 2022 5:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
5 x
: 124 / 124 Cien años de soledad 20x
: 5479 / 5500 5500 pages - Reading
: 51 / 55 FSI Basic Spanish 3x
: 309 / 506 Camino a Macondo

User avatar
Querneus
Blue Belt
Posts: 836
Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2016 5:28 am
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Languages: Speaks: Spanish (N), English
Studying: Latin, French, Mandarin
x 2269

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby Querneus » Tue Jan 25, 2022 5:48 pm

Carmody wrote:Or, to phrase it differently, since language learning requires the investment of massive amounts of time, how do you put in the time without aggravating your spouse, significant other, children, etc. ???

My strategy has been to always date other language nerds. :lol:
7 x

User avatar
zenmonkey
Black Belt - 2nd Dan
Posts: 2528
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:21 pm
Location: California, Germany and France
Languages: Spanish, English, French trilingual - German (B2/C1) on/off study: Persian, Hebrew, Tibetan, Setswana.
Some knowledge of Italian, Portuguese, Ladino, Yiddish ...
Want to tackle Tzotzil, Nahuatl
Language Log: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=859
x 7030
Contact:

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby zenmonkey » Tue Jan 25, 2022 8:35 pm

Carmody wrote:Or, to phrase it differently, since language learning requires the investment of massive amounts of time, how do you put in the time without aggravating your spouse, significant other, children, etc. ???


I'm annoying on purpose.
I threaten to put on language tapes while we drive (I occasionally do).
I throw out words that no one knows.

I'm able to create an understanding that part of my identity is in and around nerdy language things. Still annoys people a bit - my wife also collects books so we are ok in that common aspect. Although I do not necessarily announce all my purchases ... :shock: But people understand that languages are part of what I do and they expect me to do language stuff. But a lot is out of sight - early in the morning, late at night...

And I balance my own time so that I'm not doing language learning stuff while we are together - little things like closing the door when I'm repeating things aloud. Etc.

I try to pull my weight in household chores - I do the majority of the cooking. So that helps.

But there are a lot of eyes that are always rolling around me... :roll: "What do you mean you are learning Tibetan throat music?" :lol:
9 x
I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar

Lawyer&Mom
Blue Belt
Posts: 980
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2018 6:08 am
Languages: English (N), German (B2), French (B1)
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... =15&t=7786
x 3767

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby Lawyer&Mom » Tue Jan 25, 2022 9:06 pm

Teach your kids languages so you can multitask!
7 x
Grammaire progressive du français -
niveau debutant
: 60 / 60

Grammaire progressive du francais -
intermédiaire
: 25 / 52

Pimsleur French 1-5
: 3 / 5

linguaphile
Yellow Belt
Posts: 76
Joined: Fri Nov 22, 2019 6:17 pm
Languages: English (N), Portuguese, Spanish, French, Hindi, Hebrew, Italian, German. Also Nepali (dormant), and Japanese (beginner-ish)
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... 15&t=14205
x 219

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby linguaphile » Wed Jan 26, 2022 7:49 am

One idea is to forget the social engineering and try to find some way that your language studies can actually benefit them. ;)

Take her to France, as mentioned above – maybe some romantic off-the-beaten-track place where your French will really come in handy. Or Martinique. Or Tahiti. Or Québec. Expose her to some great French books that she can read in translation. Discover French movies that you can enjoy together. Find delicious recipes from francophone countries that you can cook for her. Then take her to a different romantic corner of France next year.

Just some ideas – might not be possible in every relationship or with every person, but I'd say that trying to make your time spent on language learning also be worth something, in some way, for your significant other can't hurt.

(Examples from my life are probably not the best here because my languages have definitely benefited both my life and my wife's life in many awesome ways, which is obviously not the case for most language learners... that being said, even though I pretty much didn't study at all in the first 7+ years we knew each other, she had absolutely no issues with me starting to spend tons of time on my languages again a few years ago, because she knows that they've benefited our lives together and will continue to do so in the future... :D )
6 x

User avatar
rdearman
Site Admin
Posts: 7231
Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 4:18 pm
Location: United Kingdom
Languages: English (N)
Language Log: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=1836
x 23120
Contact:

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby rdearman » Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:00 am

Having read all of this, I now have the feeling that my wife has "social engineered" me. First, she got me hooked on Korean Dramas during the lockdowns, and then suggested a trip to Korea for our anniversary. Then proposed we should learn some Korean. Now I'm learning Korean, and getting up a stupid-o-clock in the morning to do Korean lessons before work while she sleeps. :?
11 x
: 0 / 150 Read 150 books in 2024

My YouTube Channel
The Autodidactic Podcast
My Author's Newsletter

I post on this forum with mobile devices, so excuse short msgs and typos.

Beli Tsar
Green Belt
Posts: 384
Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2018 3:59 pm
Languages: English (N), Ancient Greek (intermediate reading), Latin (Beginner) Farsi (Beginner), Biblical Hebrew (Beginner)
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... =15&t=9548
x 1294

Re: Language learning and social engineering

Postby Beli Tsar » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:01 pm

Carmody wrote:Or, to phrase it differently, since language learning requires the investment of massive amounts of time, how do you put in the time without aggravating your spouse, significant other, children, etc. ???

By not making progress or investing much time?? Certainly it's one of the reasons I don't make much more rapid progress, and I'm not going to be doing any high-level CEFR tests any time soon. Hoping someone else in the thread will come up with answers.
zenmonkey wrote:I try to pull my weight in household chores - I do the majority of the cooking. So that helps.

Ditto; household/family tasks, cooking, cleaning, childcare, come first. But then it also helps having really low standards for DIY etc. Basically I work on the assumption that if language learning is inconvenient, then it should inconvenience me alone.

The only time I was learning with any real intensity, when I was doing Persian, I basically used all free time of whatever kinds I had to learn; I cut out all TV/reading/anything that wasn't learning. That wasn't sustainable for more than about 6 weeks, though.

Our kids are no longer toddlers, but not yet teenagers; I think that's probably a slightly easier age. They are now able to cope with rules that say that they (and we) need a rest after lunch at the weekend, which is good reading/learning time, and they still go to bed on time to allow us time to read, too. Fortunately my wife is ok with us both reading quietly in the evenings... When I have evenings and am not working/studying for the Masters, that is.

For the long term, the simple answer is that by weighting things very heavily towards Anki and listening, both of which can be done in scrap time and unimportant moments, I can at least be certain I am never going backwards.
4 x
: 0 / 50 1/2 Super Challenge - Latin Reading
: 0 / 50 1/2 Super Challenge - Latin 'Films'


Return to “Practical Questions and Advice”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 2 guests