A language learners’ forum

ok, guys here's the deal, I have a 6-year-old toddler (boy) and I'm having a problem teaching him English. I was born in New Zealand so English is my mother tongue, and am half Lebanese so Arabic also is my mother tongue. my wife is Russian and speaks English (just imagine if she doesn't, that would be the best marriage ever))) we are living in Lebanon for now, I enrolled my son in a kindergarten when he was around 2.5 years the kindergarten's main language was French (couldn't find English anywhere near) so he got the basics in French. my wife taught him Russian without even using a book (yup talk about mother tongue influence) now he's in school and it's a trilingual one, which they teach English, Arabic and French at the same level, he's good at speaking Arabic better than french, he's excellent in speaking Russian better than both, but the problem I'm having a big problem teaching him English, he's just not into it at all... and soon enough we're gonna be moving back to NZ and for sure there will be no french/nor Arabic over there... how can I convince him to start with English? I'm trying to speak with him English at home but he always replies in Arabic which really frustrates me... is there any way to teach him without being the asshole dad that's pressuring him?

I have no idea how to help you. But personally, I would just not "understand" his replies in Arabic if you're speaking English. Or just don't worry about it. It isn't going to take him long to figure out that he has to speak English if he wants friends in NZ.

lodger wrote:I have a 6-year-old toddler (boy) and I'm having a problem teaching him English. I was born in New Zealand so English is my mother tongue, and am half Lebanese so Arabic also is my mother tongue.

If you feel your English is native, just always talk to him in English and talk to him a lot. If Arabic is really your best language, maybe you should just use that.

Mom will get him up on Russian, which will be his Mother tongue if she always talks to him in Russian.

School and his environment will teach him the other languages.

Whatever language you and your wife use to talk to each other will get on his radar soon enough. If that's English, he'll eventually decide he wants to learn it.

When you’re back in NZ, he’ll probably start speaking English.

And this really isn't a Language Challenge. Perhaps this thread should be moved to the Practical Questions thread? Whatcha think, rdearman?

Honestly if your plan is to stay in New Zealand for the long term I think your priority should be maintaining Arabic. Children are good at soaking up languages from their environment but they're even better at forgetting them, if you switch to English with him and then in NZ he's also surrounded by English it's quite likely he'll mostly forget Arabic or it'll fall back to a mostly passive/basic level.

Have you been speaking to him in English since he was born, or did you start in Arabic and have now trieed to switch over because of your plan to move to New Zealand? If you've always spoken to him in English just keep speaking to him in English, and once you're in New Zealand he'll realise that he can't respond in Arabic to English speakers. If you started in Arabic, keep going with Arabic because that'll help him maintain that language when he's in New Zealand.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about with English, considering you're returning to NZ. If you keep pushing English and then get to NZ where he will hear it everywhere you're fight will be trying to keep his Arabic (and maybe even Russian) alive. My first suggestion is therefore to stop speaking English with him.

Multilingual children usually benefit from one of two methods in their upbringing. 1) One parent one language in which each parent speaks one language to their child and they stick to that language. 2) Language by location, eg household language is Language A, societal language is Language B.

Sometimes it's a combination of the above. If you want your child to be able to remain multilingual and you're going to be in NZ for quite a while, I'd recommend the following:

1) Mother speaks only Russian to your son and your son must reply in Russian.
2) Father speaks Arabic to your son and only Arabic, including your son replying in Arabic.
3) Societal language is English - if your son is going to function in society outside the home regularly, this language will be learned by default through external exposue, so don't bother speaking it with him.
4) If you want French to be in the picture still depending on where you live you might have access to an Alliance Française or French/English bilingual school for occasional classes or something more regular. You could top this up with French interaction via TV, music and books.

If you stick to the above you're likely to come out with your son being very capable in three languages and decent enough in a fourth. A lot will depend on comfort zones and where you want to draw the line in the sand with 'language boundaries'.

In my family we do one parent one language. I am not a native speaker but French has been my main language with the children until I began introducing Dutch as well. Thus we are one parent one language, the other parent two languages. We live in Australia, my wife interacts with them in English. Thus I'm walking a thin line dividing the little time I have with them between two minority languages, still, it's safe to say they are trilingual in English, French and Dutch, with Dutch being weaker, but not dysfunctional and French being a very high level just behind their English. We homeschool, so exposure to English on an even bigger 'platform' is not an issue.

On the other hand, with yourselves if you stick to one language each and let English seep in (and it most certainly will) via the environment/school, there's no need for you to use English at home at all unless you decide to speak it among yourselves.

Of course, this is just my angle on it given my experience and what little I know of your family dynamics. Whatever you decide, good luck! And hey, if that's just English all round, that's your freedom of choice, and nothing wrong with that. Still, Russian and Arabic are very tediously time consuming for English speakers to learn to any decent kind of functional level, thus requiring significant time investments and some serious motivation, so any advantages you can bring to your son early in life in these languages might be a very useful advantage in future for him.

As others have said, don't worry about it. Kids at early primary age tend to adjust to a totally new language in a matter of months, and this will not be a totally new language for your kid. He will adapt quickly.

If he understands you but simply doesn't respond in English, that means he knows the language on some level, and he'll be speaking it before you know it once he's in an environment where it's the language of the playground.

And again, as others have said, it's the other languages that will fall by the wayside once you're in NZ, so trying to force him into speaking English now only builds the association he has between you and the English language, which will make it harder to get him to keep the Arabic up once you're in NZ.

In your position, I'd probably just speak to him exclusively in Arabic for the time being.