When you don't understand

[basica]

Since I'm an introvert, I always had troubles keeping conversations but one thing I found to work to keep a conversation going is to ask people questions about themselves. People generally love talking about themselves so you don't have to work too hard to keep it going. Just base your next set of questions on something you understood them say, and then continue on that route. This has worked for me in social situations in my native language - and has helped keep the boat afloat during my language exchanges

An example of how I applied this recently:

- Asked someone where they were from
- Did they move there, or were they born there
- Have they ever lived anywhere else
- Where do they like it better, their home country or the other place
- What kind of restaurants do they have in their city and which one is their favorite
- Where is their favorite place to go
- What are they interested in
- Why are they learning English
- Do they have interests in other languages

After they have answered each question, I might add onto what they said if I understood it well enough, otherwise I answer the question I just asked for myself and then move onto the next question. If they ask me a question, I answer it as best as I can but since I am "assaulting" them with questions, I generally have control of the conversation and am not generally put in a situation where I am like "I have no idea what's going on and have no idea how to proceed" because this formula usually ensures that I know where the conversation is and where it is going and I can kinda steer it back if it goes off course.

[garyb]

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And then the conversation dies... unless the other person knows English, then they switch over to English.

Any strategies for keeping conversations going in this situation? I've tried, but people seem to... I don't know... hold back from talking much after that, as if they're worried if I actually understand anything at all.

This sounds familiar. If people don't think you understand it can discourage them from talking to you.

Continue to work hard on your listening comprehension. Sometimes, I actually think it's easier to get by with excellent comprehension and dodgy speaking skills than the other way around.

I agree with this. Autodidacts can rejoice, because for most, developing good listening comprehension is much quicker and easier than developing good speaking skills. And speaking well isn't very useful if you're not going to understand the response.

Do keep in mind Serpent's point about perfectionism though, and it's important to remember that even native speakers don't understand everything and often have to ask people to repeat themselves. Think about how often you don't understand things the first time in your native language. The most difficult situations tend to be when people come up to you on the street and ask you something, because there's no context, and even in English I often don't understand right away. Keeping this in mind stops me from stressing out if I don't understand the first time in another language.

I find that people usually give you a second chance if they think that you just didn't hear properly the first time, as opposed to it being due to lack of language skill. They'll usually repeat and maybe rephrase, but if you don't understand the second time round they're more likely to switch to English or give up. To make sure they give you this second chance, it's important to be able to ask them to repeat in an appropriate and correct way. For example, if there's one word you should learn to pronounce perfectly in French, it's "Pardon?".