Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Continue or start your personal language log here, including logs for challenge participants
User avatar
Ani
Brown Belt
Posts: 1433
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2016 8:58 am
Location: Alaska
Languages: English (N), speaks French, Russian & Icelandic (beginner)
x 3840
Contact:

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Ani » Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:35 am

I'll add my voice --You are wonderful and amazing and you will pull through this and find something really beautiful on the other side. Really. I'm not saying that with wishy washy optimism but with life experience.
PTSD from the Sept 11 attacks also affected my college experience. Even if one opportunity doesn't work out, there are still nearly infinite ways to move on, do amazing things and have a very happy life.
5 x
But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

User avatar
Jar-Ptitsa
Brown Belt
Posts: 1000
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: London
Languages: Belgian French (N)

I can speak: Dutch, German, English, Spanish and understand Italian, Portuguese, Wallonian, Afrikaans, but not always correctly.
x 652

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Jar-Ptitsa » Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:03 am

Cavesa

you and Iversen are my favourite 'internet people'. I really like Systematiker's message to you as well. (and of course some other people are very nice as well, but it wouldn't be a good idea to make a list!)

I read the posts sometimes although I haven't written much the last months, because i didn't know what to write. But I wanted to write on your log today after what you said.

you are wonderful and great, funny, kind, clever, etc. but the sensitive poeple like you suffer more than the others who haven't got a sensitive soul. when things are not fair, the injustice is unbearable for you, and I agree with you about this.
4 x
-w- I am Jar-ptitsa and my Hawaiian name is ʻā ʻaia. Please correct my mistakes in all the languages. Thank you very much.
: 1 / 50 Spanish grammar
: 5 / 50 Spanish vocabulary

Cavesa
Black Belt - 4th Dan
Posts: 4960
Joined: Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:46 am
Languages: Czech (N), French (C2) English (C1), Italian (C1), Spanish, German (C1)
x 17566

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Cavesa » Thu Sep 21, 2017 5:59 pm

Thank you very much for your support, my friends. Both here and in private messages.

Everything is complicated. After a lot of bureaucracy, it looks like I may be able to finish my studies, even though with another delay and with a lot of ifs. I am so tired I am not even happy about this. Not only I realize how huge those ifs are. I also hate my faculty so much it is hard to imagine continuing. But there is little choice, this is still the most rational course of action. It is still not so likely I'll get through this. Studying medicine was the worst choice of my life. But the sunk cost fallacy is a terrible thing, I have to try.

Telling you helped a lot as practice, thanks for taking it so well! It is hard because PTSD is taken, at the same time (!), as something stupid (because many people overuse this term and apply it on different stuff, which happens a lot with medical terminology afterall) and as something absolutely crippling (because it is so, in some cases). It really depends on what does the person you are talking to find more useful as a tool to demean you. They can switch between these two opinions on this problem in a matter of minutes, and use them both against you in the same conversation. This week, I encountered prejudice because of this for the first time and definitely not the last time. The first time openly and directly against me. It's not the first time I've met injustice or prejudice in general. But this time one bureaucrat obviously enjoyed kicking an easy target and this one thing was giving her lots of ammo.

I also caught cold or something like this. We sort languages by tons of criteria, how about a new one: the hardest and easiest languages to pronounce with a sorethroat?

I am getting back to German. Slowly. Sure, I am studying for my hellish exam but I have no clue about the date and it could be in months. So, small doses of something nice and useful that I am not totally horrible at, that could lift my spirits.
5 x

gsbod
Blue Belt
Posts: 839
Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2015 3:22 pm
Location: UK
Languages: English (native)
German (advanced)
French (intermediate)
Japanese (intermediate)
Spanish (learning)
Language Log: viewtopic.php?t=1152
x 2900

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby gsbod » Thu Sep 21, 2017 7:05 pm

Cavesa wrote:We sort languages by tons of criteria, how about a new one: the hardest and easiest languages to pronounce with a sorethroat?

I am getting back to German.


Not German! It is my favourite language in the world but it won't soothe a sore throat!
2 x

User avatar
Via Diva
Green Belt
Posts: 262
Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:11 pm
Location: somewhere around Moscow
Languages: Russian (N), English (~C1), German (~B1)
Wanderlust/abandoned: Czech, Swedish, Italian, Modern Greek, Esperanto, French, Dutch, Finnish
Hit-list (?): Icelandic, Hungarian, Sanskrit
Language Log: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=929
x 412
Contact:

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Via Diva » Thu Sep 21, 2017 8:10 pm

Hey! I, too, drop by to tell you to stop sulking about the whole studies thing. My situation wasn't nearly as bad as yours, yet we have some pretty similar lines, so let me just tell you about it.

I was full of ideas and that crap before the last year started. Every exam session was like torture, and I thought about how very wrong my choice was a lot. Then the fourth year began and after a relatively productive beginning I have burned out. Completely and utterly so. No, I could go to lectures and all that crap - but I also had to write a paper - say, a mini-thesis. And being the fool I am, when I got dead stuck in my calculations (the very beginning of them, to be honest), I didn't go to my SA, for I deemed her too important to deal with my stuff and myself too smart - so I'd figure it out later. Guess what? I didn't figure it out the first time. Neither did I so the second time. The third time was delayed specifically for me and for me alone. I passed, but with significant mistakes in the very logic of my paper.

Next semester was the final one. I was too busy being in love, planning for future, playing Hearthstone and doing nothing to care about my thesis. I got a very interesting topic, but, just like the last time, I thought myself smarter than I really was. I asked my SA for help way too late, got absolutely dead stuck again and didn't get even an opportunity to defend the thesis because my drawings weren't checked.

So I failed to graduate, laid on my couch for months and was promptly sent off to Moscow. There I found out I am legit handicapped - hard of hearing, and a weird kind of it that requires me to get very expensive hearing aid - think the starting price is around ~1250 euros. Well duh. I am still a lazy shit who wants to play all day. Well, I had no issue with being provided with everything, but eventually I got kicked in my arse with the words "find yourself a job you lazy ass". I felt really very pessimistic about it - but I managed to get a place of a sales manager in mobile phones retail. Turns out my main task is doing money transfers lol. Also I am misanthropic and having to smile to people and greet them all is hard. I could tell you about all the ways my job made me miserable (and still does), but c'mon, you don't need such negativity in your life.

My long-term-and-distance relationship crumbled and I got into an irl affair. Fortunately it didn't prevent me from graduating - this time I drilled my SA big time and he helped me a lot, and I mean A LOT, so even being dead stuck at the very same point (lol) didn't prevent me from managing to defend my thesis. I should have received my diploma at 6th of July but my vacation ended on 5th - so I went back to work. FYI I got it via post only last week. Also the affair ended with the feeling of being used shortly after I got back from Omsk.

Now I have a useless degree - because no experience and no brains/hands to do any kind of my degree-related job, a job I hate (and love too, sometimes, which only makes it harder), crippling debt (moving from Siberia to the Moscow region and paying the rent is too much), addictions I can't cope with (hello all the chocolate I manage to buy anyway), and, most importantly, awful loneliness. And these is just no way out of this that I see. My only consolation is my little kitten.

So why am I telling you all this? You are way stronger than you might think. Despite the depth of a shithole I am in, it's still more than I ever thought I could manage. So please cheer the fuck up. In all honesty, I often don't even feel that bad because at least I am not rotting out on the streets yet. No matter what shit happens to you, you can at least try to find a way to cope - and I think your languages alone can help a lot with that.

Gl. Life sucks, but it's tolerable.
5 x

User avatar
PeterMollenburg
Black Belt - 3rd Dan
Posts: 3229
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:54 am
Location: Australia
Languages: English (N), French (B2-certified), Dutch (High A2?), Spanish (~A1), German (long-forgotten 99%), Norwegian (false starts in 2020 & 2021)
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... 15&t=18080
x 8029

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby PeterMollenburg » Thu Sep 21, 2017 11:40 pm

Like I kept saying Cavesa, whenever you would give me encouragement and praise my efforts in learning ONE language.... you have had a hell of a lot more on your plate to deal with, and you've dealt with it much better than I ever could've done. I could NOT have done what you have done- languages, studying medicine and battling PTSD. It's an absolute commendable ACHIEVEMENT that you have made it this far, even if you 'fail'. You've shown how resilient and determined you are, that you can take on mental stress and bureaucratic BS and still push through. You are someone that many employers, had they the insight into your situation, ought to hire you on the spot (for whatever sort of work) just based on your resilience and determination (not even mentioning your intelligence).

No-one here doubts your abilities, strength and courage. You are truly an inspiration.

Although this may seemingly go against dealing with PTSD, but perhaps I could suggest that you put one foot in front of another and live in each moment (of course draw on your mental capacities to deal with things in which reference to the furture or past is required, but then focus on the instant, try not to be overwhelmed). Try not to let the past weigh you down, nor should you trouble yourself with what could've been. Embrace your situation (which also does mean do what is right for you to deal with the PTSD) and free yourself of the burden of mental condemnation with what could've been, what you've lost and how things should've gone. Be at peace with it and bring some sanity back to your life. I'm not belittling your situation by any means, and we do love you!
2 x

Cavesa
Black Belt - 4th Dan
Posts: 4960
Joined: Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:46 am
Languages: Czech (N), French (C2) English (C1), Italian (C1), Spanish, German (C1)
x 17566

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Cavesa » Thu Sep 28, 2017 10:32 pm

Thank you. Thank you all for your constant support. It helps.

I don't want to go into more details about my situation anymore, too much has already been said. I am trying to find a way through it. I am lucky, because I have a support net of great people, which is something I didn't have in past.

I have to get through the huge obstacle-the remaining exam. Planning after that is really complicated.

It is a bit difficult. I am playing WoW again a bit, from today, trying to settle on a nice little deal with myself: an hour of work, 15 minutes of questing (with hoarding question hours by working for a longer time in a row permitted). Starting from today. Considering the fact I have been ill for two weeks now and don't know whether I'll get better soon (it's stupid, such a tiny little illness and it won't go away), it is much more reliable than promising myself something outside my cage and far from my hot tea and antibiotics.

I even don't feel like reading! I opened a French fantasy book that I had been looking forward to. And it somehow wasn't fun, so I closed it. It happened with several books, all good choices, so it is about me not, about the books. Tv series: I am lucky my now favourite series are still running, so there is almost no opportunity for binge watching. El ministerio tiempo has new episodes. And this time, they are not only on rtve for a limited time, they are also region blocked! Great. But there is also something new and awesome: Estoy vivo. A crime series with supernatural bits (a police inspector is killed by a murderer and returns in a different body), and with some actors from Aguila Roja, for example the main protagonist.

Aside of that, I really feel like diving into German again. Slowly. If I happen to have free time later this year, I may get some experience in a german hospital perhaps, so I should prepare. Who knows. And if my dream of moving to France (which would solve half my health troubles) explodes (it looks so now), Germany or Austria are the clear options.

The problem is: how to get back to it meaningfully. And I could do with advice. Let's say I could put in two half hours per day. It has been months since I last opened a coursebook or a grammarbook. A few less months since my last Closemaster or Memrise session. I had started reading a few books and stopped. (I failed to find epubs of the WoW books in German, those would be absolutely the best).

My ideas: one serious half an hour, one less serious one. Or two serious ones?
Should I continue where I stopped, in Themen Aktuell 2? I don't know, I remember little and revieweing the first third of the book may make me want to give up. Perhaps continuing where I had stopped in other books before, with chapters that should be quite easy now? Or perhaps I should focus on grammar, as that is my weak point, now? SRS is not an option, as I may be using it for my exam preparation.
0 x

User avatar
sfuqua
Black Belt - 1st Dan
Posts: 1642
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2015 5:05 am
Location: san jose, california
Languages: Bad English: native
Samoan: speak, but rusty
Tagalog: imperfect, but use all the time
Spanish: read
French: read some
Japanese: beginner, obsessively studying
Language Log: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... =15&t=9248
x 6299

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby sfuqua » Fri Sep 29, 2017 2:26 am

You should study in whatever way brings you joy and not worry too much about effectiveness.
If you are undergoing unpleasant stress in another part of your life, you should avoid it with languages.

At least that's what I would do, but what do I know? :D
3 x
荒海や佐渡によこたふ天の川

the rough sea / stretching out towards Sado / the Milky Way
Basho[1689]

Sometimes Japanese is just too much...

User avatar
Via Diva
Green Belt
Posts: 262
Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:11 pm
Location: somewhere around Moscow
Languages: Russian (N), English (~C1), German (~B1)
Wanderlust/abandoned: Czech, Swedish, Italian, Modern Greek, Esperanto, French, Dutch, Finnish
Hit-list (?): Icelandic, Hungarian, Sanskrit
Language Log: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=929
x 412
Contact:

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Via Diva » Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:19 am

How about War of the Ancients in Italian? xD
0 x

Cavesa
Black Belt - 4th Dan
Posts: 4960
Joined: Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:46 am
Languages: Czech (N), French (C2) English (C1), Italian (C1), Spanish, German (C1)
x 17566

Re: Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

Postby Cavesa » Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:03 pm

sfuqua wrote:You should study in whatever way brings you joy and not worry too much about effectiveness.
If you are undergoing unpleasant stress in another part of your life, you should avoid it with languages.

At least that's what I would do, but what do I know? :D


This is generally a good piece of advice, but not in my case. A part of my huge sources of stress has been going on for almost two decades and I have no clue when it ends. Another part has been going on for six years and it ends in a year and half or so. If I were to follow this advice, I would never have done anything at all :-D Sometimes, you just get stuck and need to do with the situation, no matter how overwhelming it may be.

Via Diva wrote:How about War of the Ancients in Italian? xD

A good thought! Italian is another great choice for such books. I am quite ok with easier books in Italian but not ready for hard ones. And even the easy ones are still not as comfortable as similar books in Spanish or French.

.......
My German "plan"
It is another reward, just like wow. One or two half hours are possible to incorporate in a day. One definitely is.

I will return to Themen Aktuell 2 later, I'll reinforce the basics with other books now. The depts of my personal library include useful stuff. Němčina nejen pro samouky, where I'll continue from unit 6. And Německy s úsměvem (German with a smile), where I had stopped somewhere around unit 5. So, I don't need "Ich habe hunger" anymore, but the "less basic basics" need reviewing, strenghtening, and will be much less stressful and more confidence boosting than going on with the hard stuff right away. Klett's Klipp und Klar and Hueber's Großes Übungsbuch Grammatik A2-B2 will be awesome complements. No SRS. Perhaps readlang. But no pressure.

I am in no rush. No Course Completion Challenge now.

You may have noticed my German journey is hyper long. So, who cares I don't rush forward. I don't have the time or forces. But I can draw inspiration from PeterMollenburg and his patient work with a dozen courses, that laid such a good foundation to his French.
1 x


Return to “Language logs”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests