Con calma, a new and better log for 2017

[rdearman]

I almost forgot! I watched a tv series, fortunately a short one. Defenders. Another marvel by Marvel. And in Italian again. It's something completely relaxing. Not that great at first, but pretty good later on.

It is ok, although I watched in it French.

[sfuqua]

All our love and support to you, Cavesa.
My family here is all thinking encouraging thoughts about you, and my wife and daughter have never even read a post on the forum.

The world will go on whatever the outcome, and you will still be wonderful, admirable you.

[Cavesa]

Thank you, Sfuqua. It means a lot to me.

A few more days passed, I am still studying that disgusting stuff. Everything looks the same, everything is eeewwww, every page is a tiny bit of torture. Habitica is one of the few things that keep me going. A friend I accidentally met in the study café, where I like to go, is studying for her final exams, and she is saving me too. The loneliness can be very unpleasant. And if I pass, I will be lonely in my preparation for the French medicine exams, so I don't know how I'll deal with it.

It doesn't mean avoiding languages though. A fb post in Italian (about the French exams), a few messages in French, correction of a French email for the friend's friend.

It's that time of the year, where the public space fills with ads by language schools (just for a few weeks, before the election campaigns overtake it all). They are not even funny anymore. Just one includes a senior among the students, the rest are the usual pretty teens. Where are advertisements targeting the middle aged people? They are still much worse at languages than the younger generation, they need them more than the retired, and they have money. Cheesy photos, weird phrases ("I want to understand every word in the song." Great, but that still doesn't mean you'll get the lyrics.), and so on.

[Cavesa]

I am nearly at the lowest point of efficiency. I am almost getting used to the idea of being kicked out, losing the last many years of sacrifices, and being absolutely worthless on the job market due to the empty CV. A classical problem: my plan B looks so much better than actually becoming a doctor and possibly wasting my life. My pride, which is the main reason to finish this hell successfully, is a good thing for once

I found an elearning writing course. It is a preparation course for the translation exams (Cz-Fr), but it could work for me. Why is it so rare to find an email based course? The only problem are the teachers, who are probably very experienced and educated, but still not native, so I don't know.

[DaveBee]

I am nearly at the lowest point of efficiency. I am almost getting used to the idea of being kicked out, losing the last many years of sacrifices, and being absolutely worthless on the job market due to the empty CV. A classical problem: my plan B looks so much better than actually becoming a doctor and possibly wasting my life. My pride, which is the main reason to finish this hell successfully, is a good thing for once

Chin up Cavesa, you can do this!

[Xmmm]

I am nearly at the lowest point of efficiency. I am almost getting used to the idea of being kicked out, losing the last many years of sacrifices, and being absolutely worthless on the job market due to the empty CV. A classical problem: my plan B looks so much better than actually becoming a doctor and possibly wasting my life. My pride, which is the main reason to finish this hell successfully, is a good thing for once

I found an elearning writing course. It is a preparation course for the translation exams (Cz-Fr), but it could work for me. Why is it so rare to find an email based course? The only problem are the teachers, who are probably very experienced and educated, but still not native, so I don't know.

I don't know if you truly hate the idea of being a doctor or not, but there is something called the "sunk cost fallacy". If you really don't want to be a doctor and want to do something else, it doesn't matter if you spent 5, 10 or 20 years studying to become one.

I strongly suggest you think about what you really want. There are plenty of 50 year olds walking around saying "coulda shoulda woulda".

[rdearman]

I don't know if you truly hate the idea of being a doctor or not, but there is something called the "sunk cost fallacy". If you really don't want to be a doctor and want to do something else, it doesn't matter if you spent 5, 10 or 20 years studying to become one.

The sunk cost fallacy might not be relevant in this situation. The sunk cost fallacy is a human trait which is related to waste aversion. So you continue to do a behaviour and "finish the job" even though the reward is less than the effort, or the circumstances for the initial decision have changed. In order to really determine if you're operating under the sunk cost fallacy, or if the original decision was a sound one and the behaviour should be continued, then you should honestly assess some of the following questions.

• Is the reward for the existing behaviour more than the pain of completing the job?
• If you were deciding again to make that decision or get start the behaviour, would you make the same decision?
• What is the opportunity cost of your commitment to a past decision? (e.g. what other more rewarding thing are you giving up to pursue this, if anything?)
• Have the benefits or costs of your choice decreased over time or increased? How do they compare now?
• If you were observing someone else in the same predicament, would you recommend that they stay with their sunk costs or get out?
• Are you over-estimating the importance of short-term discomfort in giving up the sunk cost?

You might be better off doing a cost/benefit analysis of the situation. As its name suggests, Cost-Benefit Analysis involves adding up the benefits of a course of action, and then comparing these with the costs associated with it. So you basically do this:

1. First, take time to brainstorm all of the costs and benefits associated with the project, and make a list of these.
2. Assign a Monetary Value to the Costs
3. Assign a Monetary Value to the Benefits
4. Compare Costs and Benefits using the formula: Total cost / total revenue (or benefits) = length of time (payback period).

In your situation you need to give a monetary value to your current pain, and I do mean actual money. Something like it is costing me: $200,000 of pain for one year. I would earn $150,000 per year from the pleasure of helping people, over 45 years. Plus all the actual real costs, like moving, rent, student loans, etc, etc.

After you've done all this analysis, just be like every other human and do what you wanted to do anyway and use one of the above for justification.

[Iversen]

Just one thought: if you DO make it through to getting your final exam nobody forces you to become a doctor. But everyone will know that you were able to fight your way through hell and survive, and that may be just as valuable as an academic title on the job market And anyway, it is too late to change your original choice of study.

[reineke]

Con calma...

[Cavesa]

I am a failure. I am most likely out of school, but there is still a little hope. A hope of another chance that is dependent on several ifs. And pretty huge ifs. Stuff that can save me or bury my chances completely.

It looks like I'll have a lot of time for languages after all. It is in many ways really sad. I feel some relief, I definitely need to slow down. But losing a huge part of my life, seeing it just flushed down the toilet, that is horrible. Especially in such an arbitrary fashion. A combination of my chronic health problems and bureaucracy got me. And a failure that last year depended just on one old man in need to show his importance and power. I should have been a better student, but I probably couldn't have. I should have done more, but it was so hard, given my condition. I've been getting better, I am definitely gonna get much better than this, but it is not easily predictable.

I was about to tell you a few times, because I want to thank you. You'll understand why I didn't mention this before. Thank you for all your support and inspiration. I would like to thank especially those of you, who live with a psychiatric condition and got the courage to share your struggles and victories. You have been so much of an inspiration to me, you have helped me so much it's hard to describe. I have a post traumatic stress disorder. I've have had it for a very long time. But till now, only a few friends knew, and a part of my family. Now I have to admit it publicly. I have to use this information as the one chance I have got left, and I hate this. I hate having to present my tragedies and explain the unique situation to all those people in the process. It also means I need to accept how bad I am, how I've just lost so much by a hair. I feel it would be so much easier to have lost a limb instead and kept my mind intact. Easier to accept and easier to carry publicly. Easier to defend my weakness, easier to get support, easier to get diagnosed much earlier. Even if I succeed, if I use my chance and get to the last year, I have no clue whether it won't turn against me then. This is a huge stigma. There will be no way to take the secret back. Perhaps it will be easier, with the practice I am getting even here and now. But I obviously overestimated myself, thinking I could have done it without help of the kind I am asking for now.

If I fail to get my last chance here, there are several options. Having a year off and trying to get to a faculty that would accept my previous results (not that simple, there are various conditions). Or studying something completely different at long distance and working. There are various degrees that should be very easy to get to (hey, one university offers a German degree, where they would accept a B1 Goethe as the entry exam, that would be doable. or there are lots of others), but I would have to accept I simply wasted my youth without getting anything at all for my sacrifice. I would have to accept being the same joke with a primitive degree, like so many people I know. And unlike them, I would be a joke without a CV full of part time jobs from the student years.

I am again hesitating whether to post this, perhaps I'll delete it later. But I have already posted so much about me on this forum that this doesn't matter that much on top of everything.