Ani wrote:And a final addendum to this "short" update.. I haven't figured out how to make decisions about tu/vous with male tutors or exchange partners. I think most people my age chat online in the informal, but where does Skype fall? I'd be inclined to start formal, but then as the female, does the decision/suggestion to tutoyer eventually fall to me? I'd expect to control the formality in English and keep it fairly high for in person conversation given that I'm a married woman, but I am not sure I am capable of similar manipulation in French. I had one (female) tutor who thought I (along with all Americans) was just so warm and open, just from giving my introduction. I am a nice person but that's not always the impression I want to give. I did manage a 30 minute discussion with a male tutor without either one of us conjugation a verb in the second person.. It was pretty impressive avoidance
This is always a bit tricky, as the internet has added so many options to our usual communication. Suddenly, we need to address people over skype, over fb individually or as a group, in the internet discussions, over emails, and so on. It can be complicated even without that.
In general, it is the woman, who can offer "tu", unless the man is old enough he could be her father. It can be tricky with other women too though. It would be very impolite to suggest tu to an older woman. But it would be very impolite to suggest she looks old, in some cases, what if she is younger than you
In the situations related to teaching, the teacher is the socially more important person in the classical settings. But in services like Italki, it is more probably the client. I definitely feel it so, but perhaps someone feels otherwise.
Unless your male tutor is significantly older than you, I see no reason for him to offer you to tutoyer, Italki is simply not formal enough for him to be socially above you in my opinion. If he was your boss or your professor at university, it would be different.
There is nothing wrong about staying at "vous". It may not seem so from the usual explanation of the distinction for the anglophones, but "vous" doesn't prevent anyone from having warm, friendly conversations. Or close, friendly relationships. "Vous" doesn't have to go away even for people who have known each other for some time, it depends on the situation. It is not obligatory to ever switch to "tu". And I agree it is necessary to know how to sound formal and having some experience with it, which includes much more than just tu/vous.
As to being a married woman: this formal/informal scale is up to you, what you are comfortable about. In general, neither tu nor vous is inappropriate for a married person. It is definitely possible to use tu with lots of people of the opposite sex (such as coworkers, friends, neighbours) without it ever being considered out of line. And it is absolutely possible to flirt with someone while using vous. Just the tu/vous form of addressing the other person isn't any barrier per se. There are even stable couples who use "vous" occasionally, as a part of joking or role playing (not necessarily in a sexual way but possibly so). There are even rare couples, who choose not to switch to "tu" at all. I know one such couple, and they are a few years older than me. Just using tu is no reason for jealousy or guilt, unless there are other bits of behaviour added to it.