Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby Axon » Thu Sep 05, 2019 9:09 pm

El Forastero wrote:In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

From a student’s point of view, University studies require different kind of skills, behavior and attitudes than are needed in high schools. In other words, a university demands more mature attitudes in potential students to face the specific challenges they are going to find there. Some youngsters seem to be unprepared to start university studies just after finishing high school and decide to travel instead.
The main advantages this decision offers are related precisely to the opportunity to develop the skills they strongly need in university.

When travelling, people need to manage scarce resources like time and money, they face problems to be solved and challenges to be surpassed, and they need to plan the trip and carefully schedule the activities they need to do. Through this process, they develop autonomy, responsibility, and other emotional skills like stress management, optimism, self-confidence and awareness. In addition, a travel experience can develop interpersonal skills through meeting new people and understand different cultural contexts. All of this learnings will be very useful to complement academic learning once in university.

Unfortunately, not everything is as ideal as we would like to. this kind of experience has its risks that some people are unaware of. Besides those associated to travelling itself, a lack of conscious thought about the travel purpose can be more harmful than not having the travel experience at all. If youngsters treat the travel as a long holiday period with no responsibility, full of fun, parties, alcohol and debauchery, the whole experience will be meaningless and empty, with no positive effects.

In conclusion, the travel experience can be marvelously rewarding and meaningful, but it needs to be well guided and well directed in order to avoid wasting the opportunity for personal growth.

(280 words, 27 minutes)


My score (I am not an IELTS examiner): 6.5-7

Task response - 7 (over-generalizations, some supporting ideas lack focus)
Coherence and cohesion - 7.5 (minor mistakes with cohesive devices)
Lexical resource - 7 (wide range of vocabulary but some notable word choice problems)
Grammatical range and accuracy - 6-6.5 (a variety of complex structures but frequent minor errors)

Are you familiar with IELTS Simon? His website is a great source of corrections and analysis by an ex-examiner. IELTS-Yasi (the Chinese name for IELTS) is even better, but it's mostly geared toward speaking. Lastly, it's a long shot, but google around for "IELTS Write Right Master IELTS 5." It's written by an ex-examiner and published on the Chinese market, and it's got a lot of really interesting breakdowns of why some specific sentences might get higher scores than others, as well as comparing band 5 and band 7 model essays.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:29 pm

Axon wrote:Are you familiar with IELTS Simon? His website is a great source of corrections and analysis by an ex-examiner. IELTS-Yasi (the Chinese name for IELTS) is even better, but it's mostly geared toward speaking. Lastly, it's a long shot, but google around for "IELTS Write Right Master IELTS 5." It's written by an ex-examiner and published on the Chinese market, and it's got a lot of really interesting breakdowns of why some specific sentences might get higher scores than others, as well as comparing band 5 and band 7 model essays.


Thanks a lot for your help and for your scoring. I'm going to check these websites.

Debauchery, what a wonderful word. I need to find the right context to drop it in a casual conversation.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:28 am

The rising levels of congestion and air pollution found in most of the world cities can be attributed directly to the rapidly increasing number of private cars in use. In order to reverse this decline in the quality of life in cities, attempts must be made to encourage people to use their cars less and public transport more. Discuss possible ways to encourage the use of public transport.

Speaking from my experience inhabiting a big city with tremendous air pollution and traffic problems, I’m sure that private cars are an essential part of the problem, but they are not the main responsible even though a good initial solution involves a reduction of roading cars in every given time.

In most cities, traffic problems are not due to the number of cars itself, but to the disbalance between number of cars and infrastructure to support cars. In cities like Bogotá, new neighborhoods are built without consider how many new roads must be built to receive the new car flow or how much the ancient roads must be updated, improved or enlarged. As a result, driving has been getting worse and today is a total ordeal.

With the current infrastructure, these bad conditions can be improved with a car restriction scheme that encourage people to take public transportation, totally undesirable options for most people regarding how terrible, crowded, dirty and unsafe it is and surely it still will be in the short and mid-term. To face the restriction, people prefer to buy another car or a motorcycle instead of using the bus system, getting the traffic problem even worse. However, other options can be considered to motivate citizens to use public transportation:

- Car using taxation, at least in rush hours or in the densest sectors and roads of the city
- Improve public transportation quality: New buses, more frequencies, more police.
- Price reduction in bus tickets. The more reduced, the better
- Encourage companies to offer schedule flexibility among their employees, in order to avoid rush hours
- Promoting working at home some days.

With these strategies, people won’t need even to commute some days, and through this situation cars will become less essential in everyone’s life. Nevertheless, these strategies must be accompanied by infrastructure improvement, otherwise their positive effects only will remain for short time.

318 words, 30 minutes
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Mon Mar 09, 2020 11:27 pm

It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

A Human being has basically two ways to know the world: Through his/her own experiences and through the experiences of others, which can be registered through oral tradition, books or other kinds of records. None of these strategies can be considered better than the other, but in some cases one could be more convenient.

Knowledge from experience has always been seen as more trustworthy because you can be a direct witness of the evidence, data, facts or experiments from which knowledge is built. Nobody could suggest the facts never happened or the experiments were never undertaken if you had been there. However, This alternative has a huge weakness: you need time (sometimes it could be too much) to be exposed to the right experience. Also, you need resources, materials, money and the right context, without which the experience, never leads to the knowledge you can acquire through books.

For example, if you want to learn about the calendar: seasons, solstices, equinoxes… You need to look at the sky at least for decades to find patterns, you should use advanced equipment and live in the precise place, so you can make predictions and later verify if these predictions were true. Indeed, that is what ancient astronomers did, but nowadays that would be extremely expensive, demanding, time-consuming, and pointless, because you can learn the same conclusions through books, where the results of these observations have been written and verified for centuries.

That is the main reason to describe learning from books as more convenient and effective: You can learn about topics impossible to learn otherwise. For instance: The history of a time you weren’t born in, or the ecology of places that you have never visited and perhaps never will. It is just impossible to learn about these topics through experience. On the other hand, knowledge from experience is harder to forget and it’s generally better understood

To summarise: Both ways can be effective, depending on the context and topic, but in some cases learning from books is the only available or pragmatic option.

(340 words, 30 minutes)
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Tue Aug 11, 2020 4:55 pm

These are not exactly an essay, but the answer of a TOEFL speaking task. I'm advising a girl who needs 80, so it's near the B1 / B2 border and I tried to prepare two answers: One can be according to the leven she is currently looking for, and other is more advanced, I suppose it deserves more than 26/30 but I would like to hear your opinion, especially about how natural they sound. Thanks in advance:

(I tried to have the same idea in both texts. I'm only changing grammar and vocabulary)

“Do you prefer to take essay exams or multiple choice exams? Use reasons to support your response.”

BASIC ANSWER:
In my opinion, I prefer essay exams for two reasons: First of all, because I consider that writing is my strongest point. if I am asked to write an essay, I will have more opportunities to demonstrate that I have learned the topic. The second reason is that, to be prepared, I really need to read about that topic, organize my ideas and contrast different points of view, and that is always beneficial for a student.

By contrast, In a multiple choice exam, I feel that I am not really showing how good student I am or I can be, and that makes me feel anxious and nervous. These are the reasons I think so.

ADVANCED ANSWER:
Speaking from my own experience as a student, I would rather choose an essay exam basically because of two reasons: First of all, because writing is by far my strongest academic skill, so I could have more opportunities to demonstrate I have learned a given topic if I were required to write an essay instead of answering a multiple choice test. The second reason is the fact that, in order to be prepared for an essay, I really need to read about this particular subject, organize my ideas and contrast different points of view, which is always advantageous.

By contrast, a multiple choice test has always seemed to me as a too easy way to be graded, totally detrimental to my options to show how good student I can be. This specific reason sometimes has made me feel anxious and nervous before, so my preference concerning this topic is beyond any question.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Wed Aug 12, 2020 7:17 pm

Second question (The text and the audio transcription are HERE)

The woman expresses her opinion of the university’s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion.

BASIC ANSWER:
The woman expresses her disapointment for a decision made by the University administrators, concerning the elimination of the sculpture program because the lack of interest among students and the retirement of the only sculpture teacher.

She clearly disagrees with that decision and suggests that, instead of a definite cancellation, other measures were better to face the situation. These reasons are:

In First place: They can change the optional / mandatory requierement of every course, so the students can have more options to choose sculpture classes instead of mandatory courses about topics they don’t really want to see.

And in second place, the University doesn’t need to hire a new full-time teacher. It can hire a part-time teacher just for sculpture, or find teachers who can teach this topic among the currently hired ones.


ADVANCED ANSWER:
The woman expresses her disapointment for a recent decision made by the University administrators, concerning the elimination of the sculpture program as a consequence of both the lack of students interested in it and the upcoming retirement of the only sculpture teacher.

She clearly disagrees with that decision and suggests that other measures could have been taken instead, without compromising the university’s scarce financial resources, and allowing students to attend sculpture classes in the future.

Her first suggestion is to modify the courses’ optional / mandatory status, as she states that one of the main reason for this alleged disinterest is the little time that mandatory courses leave to students for aditional activities like the sculpture course itself.

Her second suggestion is to find the soon-to-retire teacher’s replacement among the currently hired faculty, as an alternative to a new full-time teacher, which is beyond the university’s financial possibilities.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby Axon » Wed Aug 12, 2020 9:02 pm

El Forastero wrote:Second question (The text and the audio transcription are HERE)

The woman expresses her opinion of the university’s plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion.

BASIC ANSWER:
The woman expresses her disapointment for a decision made by the University administrators, concerning the elimination of the sculpture program because the lack of interest among students and the retirement of the only sculpture teacher.

She clearly disagrees with that decision and suggests that, instead of a definite cancellation, other measures were better to face the situation. These reasons are:

In First place: They can change the optional / mandatory requierement of every course, so the students can have more options to choose sculpture classes instead of mandatory courses about topics they don’t really want to see.

And in second place, the University doesn’t need to hire a new full-time teacher. It can hire a part-time teacher just for sculpture, or find teachers who can teach this topic among the currently hired ones.


ADVANCED ANSWER:
The woman expresses her disapointment for a recent decision made by the University administrators, concerning the elimination of the sculpture program as a consequence of both the lack of students interested in it and the upcoming retirement of the only sculpture teacher.

She clearly disagrees with that decision and suggests that other measures could have been taken instead, without compromising the university’s scarce financial resources, and allowing students to attend sculpture classes in the future.

Her first suggestion is to modify the courses’ optional / mandatory status, as she states that one of the main reason for this alleged disinterest is the little time that mandatory courses leave to students for aditional activities like the sculpture course itself.

Her second suggestion is to find the soon-to-retire teacher’s replacement among the currently hired faculty, as an alternative to a new full-time teacher, which is beyond the university’s financial possibilities.


Spelling: Disappointment, additional, requirement

Fixed expressions: Disappointment in something, deal with the situation, in the first/second place, study a topic, one of the main reasons

Tenses: Suggests that other measures would have been better.

Great work! I hope you can see for yourself how your writing has improved, because to me it's quite apparent when I compare with your earlier posts. Your "Advanced Answer" has sentence organization easily on par with American college students.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Wed Aug 12, 2020 11:33 pm

Thank you very much for your help, Axon. And You're right, I do feel this sense of improvement, even though I haven written as much as I would like to. My way to improve has been studing advanced grammar a lot (in order to give classes to students wanting to reach a C1 grade in a certification test), and also reading high quality content. I'll start again my consistent writing excercise very soon
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Wed Aug 12, 2020 11:36 pm

Third question (The text and the audio transcription are HERE, page 7)

Using the examples of the peanut bug and the morpho butterfly, explain the concept of revealing coloration.


BASIC ANSWER:
The text presents the “revealing coloration”. It is a defensive strategy employed by some animals that use bright colors in some parts of their bodies to confuse predators and have a chance to escape. The professor gives as an example the case of an insect called “Peanut bug”. This bug has in its back wings some bright and colorful spots, but this part of its body is usually hidden. Whenever a predator is attacking it, it opens its wings to display these bright colors. The predator can be confused or distracted by this strategy and that provides to the bug an opportunity to escape.

ADVANCED ANSWER:
The text presents the “revealing coloration”, which is a defensive strategy some animals employ by using some bright-colored parts of their bodies to both confuse potencial predators and also have a chance to escape when being attacked. The professor gives two examples to illustrate this strategy, one of them is the case of an insect from South America called “Peanut bug”, which has in its back wings some bright and colorful spots. Most of the time, when no risk is detected, the bug keeps these shining spots hidden, but it can suddenly open its wings to display them if a predator attacks it, being confused or distracted as a result, and providing the bug with an opportunity to escape.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Thu Aug 13, 2020 5:52 pm

Fourth question (The text and the audio transcription are HERE, page 10)

Using the points and examples from the lecture, explain the two pricing strategies described by the professor.

BASIC ANSWER
The lecture is about the way a company defines the initial price of their new products when it starts to sell them. There are two strategies to determine it: The first one is to offer a very high price at the beginning, in order to have big profits from loyal customers and people who want to have the product as soon as possible. The prices will decrease after some time to attract new clients. That is very common with cellphones, tablets and other electronic devices.

The second strategy is to offer a very low initial price in order to catch new costumers that would not buy the same product at a higher price. This strategy is used for example with computers, as the market is saturated and the company has strong competitors. The company can have profits later from accesories attached to this product.

ADVANCED ANSWER:
The lecture explains how companies define their new products’ starting prices when are launched. Among several approaches to determine so, the professor foucuses on two opposite strategies : The first one is to offer a very high price at the beginning, not only having profits from both loyal customers and people wanting that product sooner, but also creating this image of a high quality, high-end brand. The prices will eventually decrease in a later stage to attract new buyers. This is very common for electronic devices or innovative products such as cellphones, tablets and digital cameras.

The second strategy is to offer a very low initial price in order to catch new costumers that would be reluctant to buy that specific product at a higher price. This strategy is used by companies looking for a larger market share when competitors are strong and the market is saturated. The company can have profits later from the new long-term buyer-brand relationship, for instance by offering them accesories attached to the original product.
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