Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

[El Forastero]

I hope my participation in this thread won't be unwelcome.

Never. Be comfortable to participate whenever you want to.

But there are too many copies of it in one sentence, I'd say. I feel it breaks the flow a bit.
The second part of the sentence also feels less natural than the rest of the text.

My fault. That sounds extremely low-quality. I don't know how did I that. My excuse is I have few time to correct or review; I know this is a sort of mandatory recommendation when you write an essay, but my main goal (at least for the moment) is try to reach enough words in the less possible time. My current struggle is precisely this: How to sounds natural, but at the same time, how to show the difference between a C1 and a C2.

It is great, that you show off your ability to create long sentences. Those are surely part of the expectations from a top student. But the short ones make the text a bit faster, they have a sort of a wake up effect on the reader.

You're right, I'm showing off, but let me explain why did I decide this way to write texts, I have two main reasons.

1) When I was studying for the PTE Academic (weeks after I realized that I actually was going to present the PTE General), there was a writing excercise asking for summarizin a text in only one sentence (Look: https://pearsonpte.com/the-test/format/ ... tten-text/). At that moment I didn't know how to do it, so I started to study specifically to built longer sentences (The longer, the better) And I enjoyed a lot the topic, so I kept doing so beyond the test.

2) After reaching C1, with no longer motivation to keep studying to reach the C2 per se, I found a TV show on Netflix: Bojack Horseman. I was amazed by the script: some of the characters has very long lines with unusual vocabulary mixed with some basic rude words (Mainly for humourous purposes). I really considered it appealing, funny and motivating, so I had already a model to follow. Let me give as an example this greeting:

What is this? A mismatched buddy comedy about two guys from different sides of the track who learn to respect each other because they have a common interest and whose grudging respect blossoms into real friendship as they set aside their differences to achieve a shared goal, each bringing their own strength to the table?

I watched that and told myself: "I would like to write that way".

I could have a third reason: My favourite book of all time, which is also the book I have re-read most times and the longest book I have read whitout interruption, is "The Autumn of the Patriarch", written (In spanish) with extremely unusual long sentences. I loved this style

One last question: how closely to the instructions are you supposed to stick? You have answered everything, you have showed a lot of skill. But you have gotten to the answers in the last third of the text. I don't know, what are the expectations in IELTS. But I would say putting at least a bit of the main answer to the beginning (or close to it) might make a good impression. You know, like a teaser.

This excercise is merely to have fluency, style, syntax complexity and vocabulary by typewriting in a given limit of time. I think answering the question could be the easy part once I have acquired the others. I'm going to be more careful in order to be clear with my future answers, mainly concerning "provide conclusions". IELTS have clear criteria, one of them is Adressing the task (Answer the question) with these descriptors:



Thanks a lot for your comments

[Cavesa]

Well, sounding natural is a part of C2 as well. I don't doubt you'll keep improving and I certainly understand the struggles of no rereading. (Some of my posts are a clear proof )

Showing off is absolutely necessary, I agree. However, I am not sure a sentence over five lines is the needed extent of showing off. It can really be uncomfortable to read, it is an unnecessary opportunity to mess something up, and it might actually look as if you weren't good enough at structuring your text, I believe.

But your "one sentence" exercise intrigues me, I'll give it a try too, thanks for the idea!

The example sentence from the show is brilliant, true. It is so well built, that I don't feel any need to chop it in smaller pieces at all. Your hyperlong sentence, however, felt as if there should have been a few full stops. I may have been a bit biased though. As I am used to medical textbooks, I am far too used to authors showing off with unnecessarily long sentences and I sometimes really admire the people balancing the long and short sentences more dynamically.

I've read the Autumn of the Patriarch. I should probably reread it, and this time in original, thanks for reminding me!

About the "answering the questions" issue. I might be too influenced by my experience in French, where "don't get too far away from the instructions" was one of my main struggles and also one of the main challenges to learn. I know the English exams are a bit more lenient. It is interesting to see the IELTS criteria and compare.

Thanks for all the explaining!

[El Forastero]

The example sentence from the show is brilliant, true. It is so well built, that I don't feel any need to chop it in smaller pieces at all. Your hyperlong sentence, however, felt as if there should have been a few full stops. I may have been a bit biased though. As I am used to medical textbooks, I am far too used to authors showing off with unnecessarily long sentences and I sometimes really admire the people balancing the long and short sentences more dynamically.

Yes, that's why they can earn money writing scripts and I am still studying to reach C2 level

Thanks a lot for your comments

[El Forastero]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In modern times, you can’t be simply disconnected from the world. Even for doing the less complex activity, you need a computer in some way, mainly as a tool that connect you with the information you need to base your work upon. As other technologies in the past, computers have been in the eye of the storm in intense debates about how convenient is to be always connected and how is the maximum recommendable time a person could spent in front of computers and other electronic devices without harmful consequences. Needless to say, this debate has never arrived at unanimous and irrefutable conclusions.

That question has been stubbornly asked throughout the centuries every time new technologies shown up. Perhaps our grandparents wondered if listen to the radio had more negative than positive effects and intense debates were carried oud with extreme positions confronting eaxh other with no consensus at all. Nowadays, no one would dare to assume radio or TV are harmful themselves without seem a little bit radical or anachronic, and perhaps in 50 years time our grandchildren will mock on us because our concerns about computers and internet.

With the aforementioned in mind, I think it’s evident that technologies are not good or bad per se, everything depends on how good or bad they are used. Even though some people have been wasting their entire life in front of a TV and developing some illnesses due to this sedentary way of life, the current opinion agrees TV is seen as a good media that informs you about everything you need, suggest some solutions to everyone and provide some sort of company, empathy, entertainment and even passion for specific knowledge fields. Computers, in the same way, can be seen as tools that improve our experiences and life.

But having free access is not enough. Beyond technical skills, Children also have to develop specific skills to use computers in the best way, especially filtering the huge amount of information, part of it potentially damaging, and how to maintain integrity and privacy saved from potential attacks. They need also to be aware of virtual violence and harrasement as well as the responsibilite everyone has to have for everything posted on internet. If children learn how to avoid the harmful features, computers can be the best tool they can ever use.

(389 words, 25 minutes)

[iguanamon]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In modern times, you can’t be simply disconnected from the world. Even for doing the less complex activities (you can also say here "Even for doing the least complex activity), you need a computer in some way, mainly as a tool that connects you with the information you need to base your work upon. As Like (or "As with") other technologies in the past, computers have been in the eye of the storm in intense debates about how convenient it is to be always connected and how what is the maximum recommendable time a person could can spent in front of computers and other electronic devices without harmful consequences. Needless to say, this debate has never arrived yet to arrive at unanimous and irrefutable conclusions.

That question has been stubbornly asked throughout the centuries every time new technologies have shown up. Perhaps our grandparents wondered if listening to the radio had more negative than positive effects and intense debates were carried oud out with extreme positions confronting each other with no consensus at all. Nowadays, no one would dare to assume radio or TV are harmful themselves without seeming a little bit radical or anachronic anachronistic, and perhaps in 50 years time our grandchildren will mock on us because our concerns about computers and internet.

With the aforementioned in mind, I think it’s evident that technologies are not good or bad per se, everything depends on how good or bad they are used for good or bad purposes. Even though some people have been wasting their entire life in front of a TV and developing some illnesses due to this sedentary way of life, the current opinion agrees TV is seen as a good media that informs you about everything you need, suggests some solutions to everyone and provides some sort of company, empathy, entertainment and even passion for specific knowledge fields. Computers, in the same way, can be seen as tools that improve our experiences and life.

But having free access is not enough. Beyond technical skills, Children also have to develop specific skills to use computers in the best way, especially filtering the huge amount of information, part of it potentially damaging, and how to maintain integrity and privacy saved from potential attacks. They need also to be aware of virtual violence and harassment as well as the responsibility everyone has to have for everything posted on internet. If children learn how to avoid the harmful features aspects, computers can be the best tool they can ever use.

The biggest grammar mistakes I see are- not using a gerund when needed and forgetting that "is" sometimes needs the pronoun "it" in English when it doesn't in Spanish because "it" is implied in the verb conjugation whereas, in English, the implication is most often not there and must be provided. There are a few minor spelling errors in the text. I suggest you use a spell checker in your browser and set it for English- easy to do in the Firefox browser and probably others as well. I use one. Again, well done, El Forastero!

[El Forastero]

There are a few minor spelling errors in the text. I suggest you use a spell checker in your browser and set it for English- easy to do in the Firefox browser and probably others as well. I use one. Again, well done, El Forastero!

Thanks for the comments, Iguanamon. I need to practice a lot my gerunds (It has been a tricky topic for me, I'm still not sure whether or not I should use gerunds). Concerning spelling mistakes, that happens because I'm not using a spell checker but a very basic notepad, as TOEFL and IELTS won't provide me one.

[iguanamon]

... I need to practice a lot my gerunds (It has been a tricky topic for me, I'm still not sure whether or not I should use gerunds). Concerning spelling mistakes, that happens because I'm not using a spell checker but a very basic notepad, as TOEFL and IELTS won't provide me one.

You're welcome, El Forastero. I'm glad to help. Your first sentence would sound better if it were written like this- "I need to practice my gerunds a lot".

I know you won't be able to use a spell checker for TOEFL and IELTS. That's not the point. Using a spell checker will show you when you are misspelling words as you write. Misspelled words will show up in red. Clicking on the word will show you how it is spelled properly, in real time. Using a spell checker has helped me to become a better speller in my languages that have one available because if I misspell a word a few times and then see how it is spelled correctly, even I will eventually remember it- even when not writing on an electronic device. YMMV

[El Forastero]

Using a spell checker has helped me to become a better speller in my languages that have one available because if I misspell a word a few times and then see how it is spelled correctly, even I will eventually remember it- even when not writing on an electronic device. YMMV

Thanks a lot for your advice, Iguanamon, I'll use one of them from now onward.

[El Forastero]

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

From student’s point of view, University studies require a different kind of skills, behavior and compromise than are needed in high schools. In other words, university demands more mature attitudes in potential students to face the specific challenge they are going to find there. Some youngsters seem to be unprepared to start university studies just after finish high school and decided to travel instead.
The main advantages this decision offers are related precisely to the opportunity to develop the skills they strongly need in university.

When travelling, people need to manage scarce resources like time and money, they face problems to be solved and challenge to be surpassed, they need to plan the trip and schedule carefully the activities they need to do. Through this process, they develop autonomy, responsibility, and other emotional skills like stress management, optimism, self-confidence and awareness. In addition, a travel experience can develop interpersonal skills through meeting new people and understand different cultural contexts. All of this learnings will be very useful to complement academic learning once in university.

Unfortunately, not everything is as ideal as we would like to. This kind of experiences has its risks some people are unaware of. Besides the ones associated to travelling itself, a lack of consciousness about the travel purposes can be more harmful than not having the travel experience at all. If youngsters feel the travel like a long holiday period with no responsibility, full of fun, parties, alcohol and libertinage, the whole experience will be meaningless and empty, there won’t be any positive effects.

In conclusion, the travel experience can be marvelously rewarding and meaningful, but it needs to be well guided and well directed to accomplish the goals.

(280 words, 27 minutes)

[trui]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In modern times, you can’t be simply disconnected from the world. Even for doing the less complex activities (you can also say here "Even for doing the least complex activity), you need a computer in some way, mainly as a tool that connects you with the information you need to base your work upon. As Like (or "As with") other technologies in the past, computers have been in the eye of the storm in intense debates about how convenient it is to be always connected and how what [color=#0000FFis[/color] the maximum recommendable time a person could can spend in front of computers and other electronic devices without harmful consequences is. Needless to say, this debate has these debates have never arrived yet to arrive at unanimous and irrefutable conclusions. This is still awkwardly phrased, as a 'debate' about how convenient it is to stay connected sounds odd. Rather it's one debate about the benefits of staying connected vs. the health risks. Try rephrasing it.

That question (One question implies a singular debate and a single conclusion. See above.) has been stubbornly asked throughout the centuries every time new technologies have shown up. Perhaps our grandparents wondered if listening to the radio had more negative than positive effects and intense debates were carried oud out with extreme positions confronting each other with no consensus at all. These two sentences aren't really phrased the same, so it feels awkward to connect them with a second implied 'perhaps' as you're trying to do here. Nowadays, no one would dare to assume radio or TV are harmful themselves without seeming a little bit radical or anachronic anachronistic, and perhaps in 50 years time our grandchildren will mock on us because of our concerns about computers and the internet.

With the aforementioned in mind, I think it’s evident that technologies are not good or bad per se, but rather that everything depends on how whether good or bad they are used for good or bad purposes. Even though some people have been wasting their entire life in front of a TV and developing some illnesses due to this sedentary way of life, the current opinion agrees that TV is seen as a good media that informs you about everything you need, suggests some solutions to everyone and provides some sort of company, empathy, entertainment and even passion for specific knowledge fields. Computers, in the same way, can be seen as tools that improve our experiences and life.

But having free access is not enough. Beyond technical skills, children also have to develop specific skills to use computers in the best way, especially filtering the huge amount of information, part of it potentially damaging, and how to maintain integrity and privacy saved from potential attacks. They need also to be aware of virtual violence and harassment as well as the responsibility everyone has to have for everything posted on internet. If children learn how to avoid the harmful features aspects, computers can be the best tool they can ever use.

If I may be so bold to offer more suggestions/corrections... I hope the double correction business isn't too awkward to read!