Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:20 am

Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular. Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

It is said that nowadays an average person has by far more options of entertainment than the richest people of centuries ago. One of the reasong to think so is the huge explosion of movie titles that every year is released, reaching thousands of numbers and keeping a growing trend that doesn't seem to stop.

Some of the causes of these succes are shared with other kinds of art as music, photography, painting, and literature. For example, the expression of an inner sensibility and the pursue of the beauty and aesthetics in even the simplest situation in life. In that way, movies protray the struggles, sensibility, and anguish for the existence and the uncertain future, as well as they depict hope, optimism, determination and other emotions that everyone has experienced.

However, there are also reasons that are exclusive for motion pictures because of the language, codes and symbology that they have, without forgetting the whole context that "go to the movies" represents for many people. For instance, for some couples it becomes a ritual that get stronger their relationships, or for some families it represents the only plan to spend time together in the entire week. And the movie is only a part of the whole plan, besides some special food, the usual popcorn and other details strongly attached to positive emotions.

A third reason for movies to be so popular is precisely being popular themselves. People enjoy being part of cultural trends. That's why every blockbuster also represents an opportunity to experience popular cultural movements and even create subcultures and tribes. Star wars is a good example of this. Those movies were the beginning of a universe that has been enjoyed by millions around the world.

287 words, 26 minutes. I lost three minutes starting a version of the essay that was finally discarded.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Sat Apr 24, 2021 10:12 pm

You need to travel from your home to a place 40 miles (64 kilometers) away. Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose. Give specific reasons for your choice.


I am completely sure that I would answer this question saying that I choose my bike as a mean of transportation for this short travel.

Why wouldn't I drive a car? First of all, because the distance is rather short and I normally need a couple of hours by bike or just one by car to do it. The time saved really doesn't worth the bother. Sencondly, A car is the most expensive option as I need to think about parking, paying for gas, turnpikes and similar expenses

Why wouldn't I go by bus? the main reason is being the most time-consuming and the less comfortable option, without mentioning that I would need to adapt my time to the bus schedule and the seats available. Moreover, I have the risk to not find a busbringing me to the very place I need or I want to go. Most of the time, an extra transport, for example a taxi, is required to get the final mile

There is another strong reason why I would definetly choose my bike: As an average worker telecommuting eight or ten hours per day sitting in front of a computer, my body demands me some physical activity and I love biking to respond to these demands. With that in mind, the perspective or being sitting two or more hours into a car seems to be very unattractive when compared to riding a bike for the same time, feeling the wind, the sun and doing excercise that improves my mood, my sense of humor and even my energy to perform other tasks.

As a conclusion, unless it is a rainy day or I need to go to that place formally dressed, I always prefer a bycicle trip


285 words, 18 minutes.
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Wed May 05, 2021 2:33 am

In many countries today, there are many qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

In some countries, the current generation is known as "the best educated" but at the same time "the worst paid". While some countries see that as a growing opportunity, in the long-term it can be a social time bomb. Governments are nowadays facing thhis particular challenge, and knowing the causes is the best way to propose truly impacting solutions.

This situation can be explained as a consequence of demographic changes that developped countries experienced some decades ago. First of all, the access to tertiary education for women, which implies getting rid off their traditional housewife role with no options to thrive beyond their house walls. Having fewer children (and having them later) allowed women to study and work, increasing their family income. As a result, families could spend more money in their kids' education, reducing for them the urgence to work after finishing high school and having some extra curricular learnings that complement basic education. The natural consequence is a whole education of well-educated youngsters not only with a richer cultural background but also with real financial options to go to college.

However, high quality job options hadn't grown at the same rate. Exposed to the dilemma, some people keep studying postgraduation courses, getting bigger the qualification / available-positions gap

Several solutions have been proposed, but seem inefficient concerning long term effects. One of them implies reducing the age of retirement in order for young adults to apply for these vacant positions. But that is both detrimental for elderlies' life quality and financially unsustainable for retirement funds. Promoting start-up creation is another alternative, but moneywise risks are very high. A third proposition is to encourage kids to have technical education instead of a professional one, but it sounds unfair for those who want to follow this latter path.

In conclusion, the situation apparently is going to get worst, unless the start-up way can have less obstacles and more support


(319 words in 21 minutes, and then using 18 minutes to correct here and there. It was very hard to have a shorter version, but I didn0t know where exactly delete entire sentences. That could be my sort of writing "absolute best version")
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby rdearman » Wed May 05, 2021 9:02 am

El Forastero wrote: "the best educated" but at the same time "the worst paid".

If you wanted it shorter, you can trim out "at the same time" from this sentence and it doesn't detract from the meaning.
El Forastero wrote:While some countries see that as a growing opportunity

Use "this" not "that", also in general you can normally remove the word "that" unless it can be replaced by "which".
El Forastero wrote:Governments are nowadays facing thhis particular challenge

"Governments are nowadays facing thhis face this particular challenge
El Forastero wrote: and knowing the causes is the best way to propose truly impacting solutions.

Sounds a little awkward I would say "and the best way to propose truly impacting solutions is to know the causes." but this is just my opinion.

El Forastero wrote:demographic changes that developped countries

This is an example where you can remove the word "that" since it gives nothing to the sentence. Also, you spelled developed wrong.
El Forastero wrote: First of all,

Redundant phrase, just make it "First" or "Firstly", or just drop it since you don't have a "Second of all", or a "Third of all".
El Forastero wrote:the access to tertiary education for women, which implies getting rid off their traditional housewife role with no options to thrive beyond their house walls.

"of" not "off" (probably a typo). Change the last part of the sentence to: beyond the walls of their house. OR beyond their house's walls. Since the walls are a possession of the house you use " 's ".
El Forastero wrote:Having fewer children (and having them later)

Not an English problem but a logic issue. I think you should put OR not AND since AND implies both things be true. In fact "and/or" would be best since you are saying both things or one of them are the cause. But only pedantic programmer types like me would take offense.
A programmer's wife tells him to go to the store and get a bottle of milk, if they have eggs get a dozen.
His wife shouts at him when he returns asking why he purchased 12 bottles of milk!
His response was: "They had eggs."

El Forastero wrote:their kids' education

You should probably use "children" not "kids" since kids can be perceived as disrespectful. The word “kid” is an informal slang, and refers to them as "little energetic goats". I realize it is common usage, but if you're writing formally like an essay I would avoid it.
El Forastero wrote: getting bigger the qualification / available-positions gap

I think you mean "making the qualification / available-positions gap bigger". But I am not really sure what you mean in this sentence.
El Forastero wrote: have technical education

"have a technical..."
El Forastero wrote:A third proposition is to encourage kids to have technical education instead of a professional one, but it sounds unfair for those who want to follow this latter path.

This sounded a bit odd to me. In the latter part of the sentence when you are speaking about things being "unfair" it would seem to indicate they are being forced into a technical education, but the first part of the sentence is saying they are encouraged. Unless it is a rule, or law, then they can basically ignore it, and therefore it isn't "unfair". So it seems there is some thought missing in between the two sections of the sentence, or you should try to find another word than "unfair" to get across what your true meaning was. (This is my opinion, feel free to ignore)
El Forastero wrote:In conclusion, the situation apparently is going to get worst, unless the start-up way can have less obstacles and more support

The "start-up way" sounds very Zen. Like the way of the drunken fist, or the way of the dragon. Therefore, I would change it to:
"In conclusion, the situation is going to get worst unless start-up's can have fewer obstacles and more support."
Note the change of the word "less" for the word "fewer".

Hope that is helpful. :ugeek:
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Re: Forastero's TOEFL/IELTS essays. (Corrections are very welcome)

Postby El Forastero » Wed May 05, 2021 3:30 pm

Thank you very much for your help, rdearman. It's just what I need, I really appreciate it. I didn't know this meaning for "Kid"

rdearman wrote:I think you mean "making the qualification / available-positions gap bigger". But I am not really sure what you mean in this sentence.


My idea was: There are many more high qualified people than positions for them. I called it "Qualification / available-position gap", without being sure this is the best option to do so. And the previously mentioned fact (These people deciding to study postgraduation courses) makes this gap bigger; it worsens the problem.

rdearman wrote:This sounded a bit odd to me. In the latter part of the sentence when you are speaking about things being "unfair" it would seem to indicate they are being forced into a technical education


My idea was: We should encourage youngsters to have a technical education instead of professional education because there are not enough positions for high educated people and there are more positions available for technicians. I consider unfair being forced to study at a technical level if you have the real wish and skills for a BSc and/or a PhD ( :D ). I don't know if the names of these categories (Technical and professional) are fine; I simply translated them from my spanish.

Thank you, again.
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