Switching Default Language with Family Member

[Suairc]

Hi guys,

Have you ever successfully switched the default language you speak with a family member/close friend? Was it awkward? Did you switch completely or code-switch for a while? Did you end up slipping back into the old language during the initial transition. Did you have a mutual desire to switch your default language? Did you talk about this desire or did the switch just happen?

I have an aunt with whom I've only ever spoken English. She speaks Irish as a native language but moved away to an English speaking area before I was born. When I was a child we would visit her and mostly speak English. Today we still speak English with each other and I hate it! I've spoken Irish with her before of course, but only when others have been in the conversation. The conversation would inevitably turn back to English if we found ourselves alone where it'd feel weird to persist speaking Irish.

Any opinions/experience/tips to share?

Thanks

[zenmonkey]

It's hard.

I keep falling back into habitual languages.

But I already speak primary Spanish with my father, English with my g.f. and French with my daughters.

My daughters and I do the most code switching - usually because other people are present, because we are word playing or actively as a learning process (they want to practice or I want to push a language).

The only advice I'd give is to vocalise your intent. "I'd like for us to speak more in xxxx" then there is less resistance when you consciously switch. Keep track of your efforts, see when it is successful and when you need to rethink it.

[Chupito]

My husband and I have attempted to switch French at times but never succeeded. Pretty much the only time we speak French together is around my parents, who don't speak English, and even then not always.

Granted, we haven't tried really hard. I think we'll make more of an effort when we move out of Montreal, so his skills don't atrophy, and when we'll have kids.

[Sizen]

I switched from English to French with my father. I don't know where you are with Irish, but when I made the switch, I was already starting to feel rather comfortable speaking French. This made it rather painless since my father didn't have to hear me stumble my way through everything nor did he get frustrated at me for not being able to communicate necessary information in a timely manner. I think this played a major role in our permanent switch to French. I've heard plenty of stories of people attempting to do this and only being shut down by the other person because their relationship turns into a chore.

At the time of our switch, I was still living with my parents, so one night before bed, I just went up to my father and told him I only wanted to speak French with him. I honestly don’t know what he thought at that moment. Maybe he thought it was just a phase or something, but in any case, starting the next day, I only spoke to him in French and expected French responses from him. This isn’t to say that the switch was immediate. I remember early on that I was constantly conscious of the choice because, well, I had made it and wanted it very badly. My father, on the other hand, didn’t always have the fact that his son now wanted him to speak French on his mind. As a result, he would often start speaking to me in English and I would have to politely remind him in French that we were speaking French now. Within a few weeks, the habit took root and he would speak French to me unprompted.

I think another big part of our success is that my father didn’t mind switching to French since it’s his native language and he doesn’t harbour any negative feelings towards it. Basically, by speaking to him in French, I wasn’t inconveniencing him or making him feel uncomfortable. And so, in a sense, I was able to force my decision on him and he just went along with it since he didn’t feel strongly about it either way.

The switch didn’t feel all that strange to me since I was already used to speaking French and I guess the discomfort of switching languages was simply overpowered by my desire to be constantly immersed in French at the time. But I do get that it can feel weird to switch languages. The day before I started going to a Japanese language school in Tokyo many years ago, I made a conscious decision that no matter what, I’d speak to all of my classmates in Japanese. This ended up working out well for me as I found out a couple of months into my stay that a number of my classmates spoke flawless English, but we all found it so weird to hear each other speak English that we stuck with Japanese for the entire time I was there.

As for your case, I think zenmonkey has the right idea. Let your aunt know that you want to speak more Irish. If it’s awkward to switch in the middle of a conversation, maybe tell her that you want to speak more Irish at the end of your next visit. Then, before you see her again, send her a little reminder and when you see her, just start in Irish and resist the urge to go back to Irish. The more Irish you speak with her one-on-one, the more natural it will feel. But if in the end, for whatever reason, it puts a strain on your relationship, it just might not be worth it.

[Iceberg]

Both Zenmonkey and Sizen have given you a clue. So, I will write about my experiences.

I had a Russian friend with whom we started talking in Japanese, because we have met in Japan. Also, it was not only the companies' policy, but most of other co-workers couldn't speak English at all.

However, when we were both alone, I started switching to English. The first day was a bit awkward because she didn’t expect me to speak any English. I saw her smiling and making fun of me, but still, answering me back in Japanese. I asked her, what was so fun? My accent?, I asked. She pointed out that it was definitely my accent, but because she would have mistaken me for a non-Japanese. We started talking about some Japanese, Korean, Chinese/Taiwanese etc people’s accent, and how mine differs from theirs. At this point, she has already switched to English. It took us probably 2 days to completely switch to English when we were both alone, of course. At work, things didn't change. We learned to separate work and private life language.

She noticed that when speaking in Japanese, I seem to be too serious. But when speaking in other languages such as English and Spanish, my friend and other foreign people usually notice very big and positive differences. So, with close friends, there is usually a mutual agreement that they want me to speak in any language, other than Japanese. I also feel like not using my mother tongue, because I myself feel I change for the better.

Anyway, we became very close friends and we still communicate in English. However, since she is back to Russia, sometimes I guess she wants to communicate in Japanese to keep her skills. So, in return, I thought it would be a good chance for me to learn Russian and try using it with her in the future. She is a very well experienced language teacher and learner. Also, due to common interests, I think switching between English, Japanese and Russian will definitely work with us without feeling awkward.

I have had a partner with whom things didn’t work, though. That person was a native speaker of Russian and Estonian. We used to speak mainly in English, but we have once both agreed to speak in Estonian, at least, for things up to B1 level topics. We used English for talking about more specific and deep topics. It didn’t work because when that person was mad at me, I couldn’t help and smile at such a cute face. I didn’t want to be rude and disrespectful at all. I smiled at my partner because I could hear the beauty of Russian sounds coming from a native speaker. Even when angry, it was cute!

[zenmonkey]

So, I will write about my experiences.
...

In your profile, you note that your English is A1. Wooah.
You certainly write well above A1 level!!