Living with a host family vs. on campus for exchange

[Mythymeranout]

Hi!

I'm really torn about this decision. I'm about to go to China for a semester to study Mandarin at university there, as an exchange student. I don't know whether I should live on-campus in the international student dormitory or find a host family to au pair for (I've looked a little and have a few interested families). I'd love some insight from other language learners, especially ones who have been on exchange.

These are my lists of pros and cons.

Dormitory
Live with the friends I'll make in class
Be able to do things like go to bars, take weekend trips, kiss boys etc. (Weekend trips are the most important part of that )
double rooms available only (I like my privacy) and I haven't lived in a dorm for a few years
I'll probably speak English most of the time in the dorm
Potentially be in an environment that is very pro-alcohol, which isn't the worst thing ever but it's not really my thing anymore and four months of it would be a lot, +/- dorm drama
Unsure if quality of dorm rooms will be any good, it's going to be cold
I could be totally wrong about the pro-alcohol/dorm drama thing and miss out on wholesome bonding

Au Pairing
cheappp and presumably good food
my language skills will get better much faster + be more culturally immersed
have my own room, presumably with nice warm blankets
I like kids
risk of major fomo if my classmates in the dorms are bonding and I miss out on that
significant constrictions on my time and activities (probably no weekend trips )
What if the family speaks good English and my language skills aren't better off?
What if the family I find expects me to do significant housework/hours or doesn't live close to the university?


Many thanks for any thoughts thrown my way

[Maiwenn]

If the question were really living with a host family vs. living in an international dorm, I would say live with the host family 99% of the time. Being an au pair, however, is NOT living with a host family. Au pairs are often taken advantage of (overworked) and an au pair of such a short duration is even more at risk of this. Furthermore, they'd probably be looking for you to speak in English with the children. If you do go the au pair route, make sure to ask for the contact information of former au pairs to ask about their experiences with the family.

You will only be in China for a few months. Are you sure you would have time for both your own studies AND working as a nanny (and potentially as cleaning staff, cook,... etc.)?

If you do stay in the dorms, try not to fall into the trap of only socializing in English. Seek out the other students eager to speak in Chinese/join student clubs & activities that would permit you to meet and socialize with Chinese students.

Best of luck!

p.s. ALWAYS keep control of your passport. Don't let anyone else store it for safekeeping.

[Mythymeranout]

You will only be in China for a few months. Are you sure you would have time for both your own studies AND working as a nanny (and potentially as cleaning staff, cook,... etc.)?
.

Thankfully all of the families I have spoken with have their own nanny and housekeeper and have assured me that domestic duties wouldn't be a part of my responsibilities. You are right on the English-teaching front though - that would be my main purpose. Does that affect your stance at all?

[IronMike]

I wouldn't want my daughter being an au pair for such a short amount of time. Left unsaid was if you were going through a service based somewhere in the West to match you to a family? I'd feel better if my daughter were doing that.

Most of the time I'd agree that staying with a host family would be the best, but in this case, I'd say stay in the dorms.

[IronMike]

You will only be in China for a few months. Are you sure you would have time for both your own studies AND working as a nanny (and potentially as cleaning staff, cook,... etc.)?
.

Thankfully all of the families I have spoken with have their own nanny and housekeeper and have assured me that domestic duties wouldn't be a part of my responsibilities. You are right on the English-teaching front though - that would be my main purpose. Does that affect your stance at all?

And re: the above, I wouldn't trust anything the families say. Too many stories out there of women being taken advantage of. Unless you're going through a service, avoid. Besides that, you could get in trouble. In some countries, if you're on a student visa but you do any work, that could violate your visa. Be careful!

[Axon]

IronMike is right about work being against the terms of your student visa. Lots of people in China teach English on student visas, but in my city at least the police are stepping up their random checks. Just last week I was interviewing a potential teacher and my boss had to leave and take a phone call from immigration, asking about my work visa.

What do you know about the rules for international students at your university? Many Chinese campuses have a curfew for the local students and it's quite possible that it will extend to international ones too. There's unlikely to be as much partying in Chinese dorms as there is in American dorms.

Your concerns about privacy and comfort are quite right. Chinese buildings are cold! But you can buy these great plug-in hot water bottles and electric blankets for next to nothing and be pretty warm in a cold bed.

I'd take the dorm just for the additional freedom it will offer you and the chances you'll have to relax in a non-Chinese environment for a little while each day. Full immersion is stressful and it makes a lot of people burn out. You already have the desire to socialize with locals for the benefit of your language skills, and that will push you to get out of your dorm room during your time there.

EDIT: The more I think about this the more I'm skeptical of this being a real choice at all. China is very interested in knowing where its foreign visitors are at all times. When you arrive you will have to register your location with the police station if it's a private residence. I know someone who had to pay a moderate fine for not doing it, though both times I've forgotten to do it it went over okay. It strikes me as very odd that your school would be okay with students finding their own homestays individually. Do you know anyone else doing this au pair thing?

[David1917]

I never heard of au pair, upon looking it up it does not seem ideal language immersion in the beginner's stages. As people have mentioned it's likely they'll want the children to practice English with you, and whatever tasks you get assigned could need to be done in silence/have explanations in Chinese lost and need to be done in English anyway.

It also sounds like you're a more social person, so the dorms are going to be the way to go. Perhaps try to get your roommate to take a language pledge with you, and try to find some other tutor/language partner to meet with periodically throughout your time there.

[StringerBell]

What's your priority? To make friends and have fun in English or get the most out of the experience (in terms of learning Mandarin while living in China)? You can't do both.

I would not do the au-pair option, as they will likely expect you to speak English to the children and may expect you to work full-time or more hours than you'd want. I studied abroad on my own as an adult and lived with a host family that the language school arranged. Assuming your school offers to place you with a host family (whom you will pay):

Living on campus
Pro: it might be a lot of fun, you'll probably make a bunch of friends
Con: you'll probably learn very little Mandarin
If you are living with English speakers, you will spend your free time with them speaking English.

Living with a host family
Pro: you'll learn much more Mandarin since you will be forced to communicate in Mandarin out of necessity and even when it's difficult, you'll get more exposure to every day life in the country
Con: You probably won't have as much fun or be very social and you may not make friends
If you are living with Mandarin speakers who don't speak English, you will spend your free time trying to communicate with them in Mandarin and hopefully interacting with neighbors, shopkeepers, or other natives you encounter in the neighborhood. You will probably socialize much less and spend much more time studying and trying to use the language with the people around you.

I don't know if your school offers a host family placement. If not, then probably living on campus is the only real option. You can try to make the most out of it by having some strategies to reduce English when possible (maybe 1 or 2 hours a day you go someplace to avoid English speakers and focus on Mandarin, maybe leave campus if that's allowed).

[stelingo]

Surely it's possible to stay with a host family without having to work as an au pair? Or is money an issue? If your priority is to improve your spoken Chinese, then stay with a family. I have done homestays in various countries, including China, Russia and Brazil. As well as great language practice, you're more likely to have a more 'authentic' experience, getting to know the culture, people, food etc. You can experience the country on the inside. If having a fun time with people your own age is more important, then choose the dorm. But be warned you may not make the progress you want. I also did a German course at Freiburg University many years ago. Met lots of international students, had a great time and always spoke German. But it was a pidgin type Foreigners' German, and I think we just reinforced each other's mistakes and bad habits.

[Mythymeranout]

IronMike is right about work being against the terms of your student visa. Lots of people in China teach English on student visas, but in my city at least the police are stepping up their random checks.

As far as I know, on X1/X2 students are permitted to do some part time work such as interning or being an au pair. You're definitely right that it's something to be sure of though.

I'd take the dorm just for the additional freedom it will offer you

This is absolutely my number one concern about being an au pair. I've lived for four years at uni plus several stints of solo travel - I am not at all used to having my personal freedoms restricted the way they would be in a family dynamic.

If I did end up being an au pair I would still pay for the dorm, ideally stay there one night a week or if that wasn't possible just have it as a backup so that if It was all too much I could just leave the family.