How do you keep studying when you lose your motivators?

[WildGinger10]

Hey everyone, I've been hesitant to make this post because it's very personal and I'm not a very active participant on this forum (yet!), but I do really need advice from language learners on how to proceed if I intend to ever speak German fluently (or possibly any language other than English, my native language), so I'm going to bite the bullet and open up a bit.

If you happened to see my first post where I needed Anki help, I detailed a little backstory, saying that I unexpectedly got a job contract in Germany, fell in love with the country, fell in love with the job, and fell in love with a girl. Learning a second language has always been on my bucket list and this was the perfect opportunity (my French class in high school got me somewhere but not far enough - I was a bad student). I wanted to be able to speak to my colleagues in their native language, and to my girlfriend in her native language, and to be able to participate in the culture of this marvelous country in the way you only can if you are fluent in the language. Through constant study and work I am probably around an A2 in the language now, but I want to get that up to a C2 someday.

Well, as you may have guessed, things didn't really work out the way I'd hoped. My girlfriend, who I'm still very much in love with, recently left me for someone else (I guess long distance was too hard for her). Simultaneously, my company has stated that they don't expect to rehire me (even though return contracts are a major part of the company - nearly everyone is extended multiple contracts). Both of these life events are very painful right now. And this, in turn, has made the language painful. Almost all of my personal connections to the language are based on memories from when I was there or the hope and promise of returning very soon to make more good memories - none of which will actually be happening, now. Many good memories from before are now painful to recall, as is common with these kinds of unwanted separations.

But I don't want to abandon German. I've put an incredible amount of time and effort into learning it and I don't want it to be yet another unfinished project of mine, and I'm nervous that even a short switch to another language, like French, would be enough loss of momentum that I may not pick it up again (and it's not a great motivator to stick with the French either). But I know how important those kinds of goals are to staying motivated to learn a language. I can't be the first person to ever experience this - what can I do to remotivate myself and refocus myself in the language so I can continue to learn it while I heal from these painful life experiences? I don't want the language to just be a language of heartbreak and disappointment for me, and I don't want learning the language to make it harder to heal and move on from these life events. I was going to move to Germany - it's still a possibility but now I would alone and jobless, making it far less appealing.

But again, there's no way I'm the first person to go through this, and I have a feeling there is a way to overcome this and continue learning. Does anyone have any advice? Or should I just let the language go and move on?

[devilyoudont]

I'm very sorry for everything you're going thru right now.

I don't have answers about your specific setbacks, but I can respond about motivation. I don't rely on motivation for anything because life is full of so many ups and downs. Instead, I rely on the power of habit. If something is important to me, I establish habits around it. Once something is a habit for long enough, it simply becomes part of my identity, regardless of whatever my original reasons were. This doesn't happen because of some deep soul affinity with a thing, it just happens due to engaging with it every single day.

It sounds like German is important to you. We can talk about how to successfully set daily habits if you need help in that area. I hope that someone else will be able to help with the more personal aspects of your problem, and I am sure things will finally start looking up for you sooner or later.

[tiia]

Definitely some hard changes in your life. If you want to continue with German, I guess you should try to make some value out of the language outside of work and love for now. Maybe to give you some space to think what you really want to do, like where to look for a new job etc.
But it depends on you. A break might not be too bad, though I understand the risk of never picking it up again. In the end it's a question how painfully connected the memories are with the language itself.

What about (audio-)books or movies? How is your level of German so far, would that be an option? There are a lot of German movies and even more dubbed ones.
Could you find a language exchange in real life to practice the language? Or find other learners? Germans are ususally everywhere around the world, so there should be a possibility to find something.
Is there anything that you like, that is more common in Germany (/Switzerland/Austria), than in the US? Can it be used to make knowing German more valuable? Everything small might be interesting here. (If I remember correctly the German news (tagesschau) might be interesting as a rather short news format with its predictable length of 15mins.)


One thing that kept me going with Finnish for so long were the nice memories I got by just learning the language. Because it made me get to know interesting people (learners and natives) and try new things. In Germany I visited e.g. the Finnish christmas concerts. Would I have visited German christman concerts? No. I found it really interesting to see how all the Finns in my region where connected and what kind of events they had etc.
Exploring this was quite motivating for me. I realised, that the language gave me access to something I had not known about otherwise.

Maybe you can find also in some logs around here what keeps people motivated. I think there was some thread somewhere about what keeps people motivated, but I cannot remember the name.

[WildGinger10]

What about (audio-)books or movies? How is your level of German so far, would that be an option? There are a lot of German movies and even more dubbed ones.
Could you find a language exchange in real life to practice the language? Or find other learners? Germans are ususally everywhere around the world, so there should be a possibility to find something.

I am currently using some beginner graded readers in addition to Anki, I can put on the audiobook for my readers and understand at an okay level of comprehension (I at least know generally what it going on or being said at any given time) even before I read the stories as long as the speaking is slow. So real audiobooks or films are still probably a while off for me, though I am very anxious to watch some German television.

Not sure about a language exchange or something, the last I researched it looked like there were a few study groups/college courses but they were expensive and required a time commitment I can't guarantee to keep to. I've been doing self-study for that reason, and I used to be able to practice with my girlfriend. It's not out of the question, and I'm sure I can find some learners if I look hard, but that's where I am right now.

[rdearman]

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”

devilyoudont is correct that motivation comes and goes, but habits stay (and are difficult to get rid of). Scientists estimate that up to 95% of our daily decisions happen as a result of habits. So cultivating a habit of reading nightly in German, or watching German TV, or podcasts, or vocabulary study is much more important than any motivational speech we can give you.

Having said all that it is difficult to learn a language which you don't particularly like or even dislike. So you should probably try to separate your feelings about the language itself, from the events which have happened to you regarding the language. I don't know how you can go about that, but it would be a good idea.

[Skynet]

I am deeply sorry for these two experiences that have knocked the wind out of your sails.

There are many ways to get motivated to achieve a goal after a bout of disillusionment but I will talk about one way that has worked in my life. I am going to speak about the habit of "emotional transmutation" where you use your pain/distress as a fuel to achieve something that might appear to be impossible. In this case, you can focus your disappointment towards developing your German skills on your own to prove to yourself that you are able to achieve whatever you set your sights on, even without another person or corporation in your life. The more that you continue to work towards your goal of German fluency, the more you see that your value and self-worth are not a function of relationships and jobs, but of how you see yourself as a competent and resolute person who can successfully achieve anything.

German is a beautiful language - I recently discovered it - and no-one and nothing should be given the power to deprive another of learning it. You will make better memories and have better experiences in German in the future if you allow yourself to. I can tell you that German and Germany have something incredible for everyone: I found the best trance music there (sorry, The Netherlands) after a debilitating disappointment too. For me, I am going to master the language to remind myself that I have never, and will never, yield to anything that will attempt to strip me of my power to determine my future.

Ginger, you can do this and I am vouching for you!

[StringerBell]

I also agree with the idea of making German (or any other language) a daily habit rather than something that requires motivation.

As for surpassing the negative associations you have with the language/country, the only thing I can think of is to make new positive associations that with time will overwrite the original negative ones.

How can you do this? The most immediate way that comes to mind is to start doing some language exchanges with Germans who want to learn English so that you can form some friendships that over time will become a positive reinforcement. There are many great websites to connect with LEP; I've used ConversationExchange and Speaky but I know there are plenty of others. Even if you can't say much in German a the beginning, it doesn't matter. Focus on finding the right people who have some potential to become long term friends. Once you've found the right person, you will find ways to communicate your ideas, even if you have to look things up on the spot or use some charades when you get stuck.

As your German skills improve, you'll be able to transition to interesting German content - books, TV shows, comics, podcasts and hopefully the time you spend with the language will be enjoyable.

I'd also suggest putting some things into place like short term achievable goals that you can celebrate - and then make sure that you do acknowledge them! This can be anything from: Spend 5 hours this week/month doing something in German to Do x number of lessons in a particular course book per week. Choose any kind of goal that is measurable and you feel confident that you are capable of doing it. It feels really good to reach goals, even small ones, and over time all of these little successes will start to build up and hopefully create a positive association with learning the language.

[Nacobe]

I'm sorry about all the difficult things you're going through in your life at the moment. Hopefully you'll find a way to fit German into your life, as I'm sure having something to learn and enjoy will make everything better.

Similarly to devilyoudont, I don't rely on motivation as it never gets me anywhere. If there's something I really want to accomplish and I'm interested in it, I make it a part of my life.

I spent most of my life (so far) being the most effective and accomplished person 'tomorrow'. Believe me, if I could've cured cancer, I would've done it...tomorrow. My dad is the exact opposite. If he decides to do something or to get something done, he does it. When I was younger, I kept wondering how he kept up with his daily routine (change of career (=studying), fitness, work, language learning in preparation to moving to a different country, and he did all of those (except for work) every morning and every evening of every single day). So eventually I asked him "how does one do that every day" and his answer was "you just do it". I of course didn't understand what he meant and just thought that what a stupid, inadequate response it was (hey...I was a teenager...).

It took me about 20 years to get what he meant. Getting anything done is difficult and takes a lot of time and effort, and everybody who has ever accomplished anything, or is good at something, is so because they worked for it. Nobody learns a language or deadlifts 200kg just because they read a motivational poster.

It doesn't of course mean that you have to sacrifice your life to learning something you want to learn, it just means that you need to work at it daily. And the longer you've done it, the easier it gets. Perhaps you start with just 5 minutes a day, but a year from now perhaps you have no question about not learning German because you not only love the language, but you love the process of learning, you love being able to enjoy all things German and having your daily routine makes you feel better.

[drmweaver2]

In a way, previous replies have sort of danced around what I'm going to bluntly say.

Internal motivation is something each of us can control.

You are responsible for your own motivation.

Paraphrasing Francis of Assissi:
Self, grant me an iron will to not be distracted from the things I really want to accomplish,
The courage to continually work through difficulties,
And the wisdom to know that many difficulties are only temporary
...and will pass without need for direct action on my part.

Finally, grant me the ability to ignore the naysayers of the world
So that I can and will do things others will never understand.

Also, no one ever said life was supposed/had to be easy...

[Cèid Donn]

Well, I'm certainly someone who has dealt with a lot of disappointment and blows to my enthusiasm in the course of my own language learning journey. Perhaps not quite in the same vein as you, but pain is pain, and I get that.

With studying one particular language, Scottish Gaelic, things very much did not turn out as I had planned. I had hoped to have studied in Scotland and be teaching Gaelic and singing Gaelic songs at festivals and ceilidhs by now. That didn't happen, but not from a lack of my own passion. Life circumstances, and at times, individuals in the Gaelic community, made my pursuing Gaelic as a life passion painful, frustrating and heart-breaking. I won't go into details, nor point fingers--both for civility's sake and because just typing this much is getting me upset and tearing up. But it's been a lot rougher than I would have ever thought it would have been when I started 10 or so years ago.

For me, I did need to take a few breaks from studying Gaelic for time to time, to rethink, re-assess and re-prioritize. While this did stall my progress when I did so, it was what I needed to do and it allowed me to channel my passion for the language toward a more obtainable path for myself at those times in my life. This is work that one has to do for themselves. There's no easy, simple answer. But I will say this much:

Ultimately, to pursue something as profoundly rewarding and life-altering as learning another language to an advanced, if not fluent, level, you have to find your center of motivation within yourself. This is something you are doing, not for a job, not because of your social support network and personal relationships, not for status or the admiration of others, but really, truly for yourself, to be more of a person than what you are now. Let everything else in your life play out as they must--you cannot make choices for others, be they your significant other or your boss or anyone else in your life, so you will simply need to let that go as part of healing and moving on. But you can choose to be the kind of person you want, and if that means being a person who pursues their love of a second language, then keep that centered in your mind and in front of you. It's OK if today you don't feel up to pursuing that goal, but you should tell yourself you're not giving it up. Think of it as your future, as the person you want to become, and that way, you can make less about these recent past events in your life, and more about your own path moving forward.

I hope this didn't come across as too self-help-y and sappy. While I'm pretty new here too, there seems to be a lot people here who will be happy to support you in your goals when you are ready to get back to them. Take care.