How to raise a bilingual child

[GrayM]

Do y'all have any advise on raising a bilingual child? My wife is Guatemalan, and I speak Spanish at a B2 level. We just had our first baby on Saturday, and it's important to both of us that she grow up to be comfortable in both cultures. We intentionally picked a name that was common in both languages, and we want her to be fully fluent in both English and Spanish.

She'll spend a decent amount of time with the in-laws, which is a 95% Spanish atmosphere. We also go to a Spanish speaking church and envision sending her to Guatemala for extended periods of time as she grows older.

I was thinking about reading to her everyday in Spanish. Are there any book recommendations for different age groups?

Do y'all have any thoughts or suggestions of things I may have missed? Thanks!

Gray

[Kraut]

Yourself get familiar with what happens in young brains, the bilingual brains develop differently than when a second language is added later

Dehaene is the standard work on young learners in general

How We Learn: The New Science of Education and the Brain

https://www.amazon.de/s?k=dehaene+stani ... -doa-p_4_7

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Googling I found this, but I don't know whether it is the best in the field.

The Bilingual Brain: And What It Tells Us about the Science of Language

https://www.amazon.de/Bilingual-Brain-T ... 0141990384

[Beli Tsar]

There's a good list of older discussions at the top of this thread: https://forum.language-learners.org/vie ... en#p101252.

No experience with this personally, but from observation of friends who have done this (or failed to do it), as well as I think from some previous threads, the number one rule is simply that ground rules must force the child to actually produce both languages. The usual way is to have one parent who will respond in (as well as talking in) both languages. Input alone isn't enough, though it can lead to background familiarity with the language that could be activated at a later date.

Certainly, friends I know divide nicely this way: those who parent in a way that demands that the child actually produce each language, by having one parent always engage only in one, and one in the other, are ending up with bilingual children. The others got a good start, via plenty talk, input, TV etc, but as soon as school/nursery etc. really got going they switched entirely to English, which is the dominant language here.

[PeterMollenburg]

Some very useful links below:

http://how-to-learn-any-language.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39886&PN=0&TPN=1

https://forum.language-learners.org/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=1347&hilit=bilingual+children+raising

https://forum.language-learners.org/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=2840&hilit=bilingual+children+raising

http://www.trilingualmama.com

https://multilingualparenting.com

https://inews.co.uk/opinion/bring-child-bilingual-dont-follow-received-wisdom-42035

https://www.fluentin3months.com/bilingual-baby/

My tips:
Whether you go with "1 parent 1 language" or "home language/society language" or something else altogether, make your boundaries very clear and rock solid.

We use a variation of the one parent one language approach with our kids and must say as soon as you let up on your boundaries (eg you decide to start replying to your child in Spanish when they ask questions in English instead of asking in Spanish), your child will push the boundaries and get a sense that they can take the easier route (this is perfectly natural and perfectly understandable, btw to facilitate fluid communication), and stop speaking Spanish (as much/altogether) because you replied to your child when they asked a question in English and gave them the signal that it was fine.

If for example you choose the one parent one language approach, you must stick to your respective chosen languages 100% of the time. This creates the concept that there is no shortcuts, if I (the child) want to speak to mum or dad in their language, I need to speak it or I won't be able to communicate with them.

Sounds harsh? Solid boundaries around with whom or where each language should be used work wonders like entering foreign countries with different languages or communicating with immigrants in their language. If we have a positive outlook, we can value such distinctions.

So, don't be hard, just be clear and if your child goes through stages of rejection or struggles with verbal expression in one of the languages, help them. Don't switch languages, help them in the language. My eldest rejected a little the minority language for a bit due to a little weaker vicabulary and ability to express some thoughts in well constructed language (age appropriate). I would say half a word, half a sentence or phrase and get her to recall the word that way and pronounce it herself. Doing this means you don't do all the work for them, you just provide hints that help with recall as they build their neural pathways in the language.

Read to your child aloud regularly!

Watch a little TV together and either keep it balanced between the two languages or utilise more TV in the minority language if exposure is much less to that language in general (too much TV isn't great for young minds, and some recommend no TV at all before two or more years of age).

Music! Buy some music books in Spanish (and English if you want), and sing along! Most kids love music.

Audiobooks and podcasts. In a language as big as Spanish, there will be plenty of age appropriate options - great for car trips I've found (esp. if limiting TV exposure).

Good luck!

[Jinx]

First of all, congratulations!

As Beli Tsar (edit: and PeterMollenburg, who responded while I was writing my post) mentions above, the most common way to raise a bilingual child is by adopting the OPOL method (one parent, one language). You can find a lot of info about this method online. Here's an article reviewing some of the pros and cons, with several links for more info.

Here's another page comparing OPOL and another method called ML@H (minority language at home).

Two things I repeatedly hear from parents in your situation are:

1) Don't underestimate the power and influence of the primary language spoken in the surrounding culture. Kids are very susceptible to believing that "everybody" speaks whatever language surrounds them in the streets, at school, on TV, etc., and that language can easily "take over" in their brains.

2) Bilingual kids often reach linguistic milestones (reading, writing, speaking each language independently without too much codeswitching) a little later than monolingual kids do. So, for a certain period of time, they may appear to be lagging behind their peers in a developmental sense. This is nothing to worry about; they will sort it out eventually!

[Le Baron]

Congratulations. And I agree with the responses above. In practise though it can be difficult to maintain and not just because of parental laxity. I had a French-speaking mother who spoke to us a lot in French before we went to school, but then school itself was completely English-based and required facility in that language to get along. She also had to interact in an English-speaking environment. So the truth in my particular experience was that outside influences from a non-francophone culture watered it down a lot.

There are some measures to take though. For example, I would sit with my mother and maybe one of my aunts while they watched a French film. I would ask the meaning of unfamiliar words, to which they would reply in French while discussing it between themselves, so that it forced my interaction in that language. She also spoke in French on the telephone to friends a lot which I could hear. Early on you mostly consume the culture your parents consume, so to interact you're forced to be conversant with what is going on.
Despite this it's easy to fall into the situation where you become almost 100% a passive participant; understanding all of what's said to you and replying in the language over which you have best mastery. And both parties tend to accept this as it quickly evens out the situation.

I was given comics and children's history books in French (all purchased by relatives abroad) I could read them and ask questions (not always answered to satisfaction because she was not academically minded).

You have the benefit of being able to speak the language of your wife, which means your child can't just opt for the easy solution of joining you in English if you keep up normal conversation in Spanish. My father is next-to-hopeless in French so it was easy for me to just default to that as I saw him doing.

I recall that video of the Russian girl who has been taught multiple languages as a child (name?). Their methodology was to link certain languages to certain activities. French for cooking, Spanish for cleaning the house etc. So that there are moments when you're fully immersed into interactions in those languages for practical purposes. To my mind if she's going to be interacting quite a bit with other Spanish-speaking children, that is where most of the facility will come from. In the same way that going to school provides most of our language facility beyond the confines of the home. However the seed is planted at home.

[rdearman]

Personally I have no idea how to help you. But I did want to relate something a person I'm doing language exchanges with told me. She lives in the UK and her husband works here, been here about 2 years. Her son goes to school here, and he can speak and understand French, but he refuses to use it. He is 5 years old. He knows that his mother and father both understand and speak English, all his friends and everyone he knows understands and speaks English. So when his parents speak to him in French he ignores it. He refuses to acknowledge anything not said in English, and he will only reply in English. The only exception is his grandmother who only speaks French, so he speaks to her in French and nobody else. When his mother speaks to him in French he just stares at her waiting for her to use English.

So just a word of warning, just because you want your child to be bilingual, doesn't mean the child wants to be bilingual.

[PeterMollenburg]

Personally I have no idea how to help you. But I did want to relate something a person I'm doing language exchanges with told me. She lives in the UK and her husband works here, been here about 2 years. Her son goes to school here, and he can speak and understand French, but he refuses to use it. He is 5 years old. He knows that his mother and father both understand and speak English, all his friends and everyone he knows understands and speaks English. So when his parents speak to him in French he ignores it. He refuses to acknowledge anything not said in English, and he will only reply in English. The only exception is his grandmother who only speaks French, so he speaks to her in French and nobody else. When his mother speaks to him in French he just stares at her waiting for her to use English.

So just a word of warning, just because you want your child to be bilingual, doesn't mean the child wants to be bilingual.

This is a good example of why creating the need for the minority language is essential. Basically your child should be under the impression that he/she simply cannot communicate with the parent(s) in the majority language as it will not be accepted/understood. If your child attends a majority language school, even more so, the boundaries must be rock-solid.

The child in the above example is doing what the vast majority of adults and children will do - resort to the easiest way to communicate. Kids will do this if positive feedback occurs, that is, they use the 'easier' or more well known language if the parent(s) respond to it. A good example for adults is when travelling and English is assumed to be understood everywhere.

In rdearman's example above, I'd imagine that the grandmother is either very insistant or not very functional in English. Thus, the need is there, the child must use French if communication is to take place. The parent(s) using the minority language need to insist on no English. Problem is now, for this child above, the challenge is now much harder, given the patterns developed.

Parents should not be afraid to have rock solid boundaries and sticking to the chosen language without exception. It could be akin to giving in to a child who wants some candy/lollies in a shop one day and whined incessantly to get their way, and so the parents made a fatal, perhaps unconscious mistake or quick fix and gave in. This reinforces that the child can win the struggle. Next time the kid might whine again or throw a tantrum perhaps as whining provided the result they wanted last time but isn't quite working this time, so they dig in and fight harder. Undoing this is tough, as is undoing the "language message" (that you can get away with English if you insist until your parents go along with your demands).

I'm not suggesting bad parenting here, nor a misbehaved child with the language situation. It's quite normal that parents simply want to talk to their child in any language without risking hurting their relationship and also that their child fight for the easier path (the majority language). Rock solid, clear boundaries, always will increase the likelihood of success substantially.

[lingua]

As one who has always been open to people from other countries I have quite a few friends who are from various European, Asian and South American countries who did this. In all cases their spouse has a different native language ... meaning they married an American, Asian or European from a country other than the one they originated from.

My friends spoke only their native language with their child(ren) while their spouse spoke English (accented in some cases). All of my friends ended up in the situation where at a certain point their child(ren) rebelled against speaking their language. One friend gave in and now her daughter is at a very low level in her native language. The rest of my friends were insistent about continuing thus they now have (a) bilingual child(ren).

For me the take away is that at least one of you speak to your child(ren) 100% of the time in the language you want them to be fluent in.

[Iversen]

What about declaring a French (or whatever day) the first time the kid refused to respond, and then no answer would mean no (cooked) food, no television, no transport and and a totally unresponsive parent? Treat the kid as it treats you. OK, maybe that's not on page one of the average child rearing manual (written by a presumed professional), but the result is a spoiled brat. This thread makes me utterly happy that I didn't get burdened with kids who believed they could get anything they wanted by whining and throwing tantrums.