Language usage that annoys you

[Ezy Ryder]

[...] But the incorrect version is what most people will say in practice. [...]

Isn't "correct" considered to be "what most people will say in practice"?

[limey75]

[...] But the incorrect version is what most people will say in practice. [...]

Isn't "correct" considered to be "what most people will say in practice"?

That depends on whether you're prescriptive or merely descriptive in your approach

[Speakeasy]

... See, to me, "I speak only English" sounds off. "I only speak English" would certainly be the most natural way to say "I speak no language other than English", and that would be the default meaning, with the others you said being secondary and dependent upon things like stress.

The fact that your preferred usage is "natural" to you does not, by any measure, mean that it is correct. Many native speakers make common mistakes and, in English, "misplaced modifiers" are quite common. Putting aside the inherent ambiguity of your "natural way", I can assure you that misplaced modifiers in legal documents have real consequences.

[Ezy Ryder]

[...] I can assure you that misplaced modifiers in legal documents have real consequences.

Aren't legal documents a bit of a different register/genre, or something, though?

[Speakeasy]

Isn't "correct" considered to be "what most people will say in practice"?

This statement does not even qualify as a good example of sophism. If you promise to purchase this book (see LINK), I will send you funds via PayPal:
https://www.amazon.com/Traditional-Logic-Introduction-Formal-byCothran/dp/B004UMX8TY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477596423&sr=8-1&keywords=Traditional+Logic+1%3A+Introduction+To+Formal+Logic

[James29]

... See, to me, "I speak only English" sounds off. "I only speak English" would certainly be the most natural way to say "I speak no language other than English", and that would be the default meaning, with the others you said being secondary and dependent upon things like stress.

The fact that your preferred usage is "natural" to you does not, by any measure, mean that it is correct. Many native speakers make common mistakes and, in English, "misplaced modifiers" are quite common. Putting aside the inherent ambiguity of your "natural way", I can assure you that misplaced modifiers in legal documents have real consequences.

I too get annoyed by split infinitives. The worst, most annoying and most offensive example of this is "to boldly go where no man has gone before." Unbelievable!

Many have pointed out the obvious ones.

I also get annoyed by seeing someone write "your" when they mean "you're."

Or, the annoyingly common confusion on how to use "well" and "good." Schools must be teaching this wrong now. I don't think there is a single person under 40 in the US that gets this right nowadays.

I've mentioned on this website (and received much criticism for) my annoyance with the use of "a lot" when you really mean "much" or "many" instead of the actual meaning of "a lot." This is so common now that I probably make the slip of the tongue too. What has the world come to?!?!

And, finally, the use of "learnt" when you mean "learned." This has been discussed here too so I now understand how the rest of the English speaking world looks at this, but "learnt" will always look silly to me even if it is "correct" in other places.

[WalkingAlone13]

I keep seeing people writing what they like, enjoy doing, etc. but with a question mark and an exclamation after it. For example;
I really like baking!?
I love cats!?!?

I always feel as if I have suddenly partaken in a secret quiz. Are you telling me something or do I have to guess whether it is true or not? I don't know.

[Speakeasy]

Aren't legal documents a bit of a different register/genre, or something, though?

Were you not taught in Elementary School that "the imparting or exchanging of information" involves a certain responsibility on the part of the participants and that one of these responsibilities pertains to the making of an honest attempt at clarity? Do you not see that avoiding carelessness and complacency in the communication process is in your own best interest? Or, are we all supposed to just figure out for ourselves what you really mean.

[tastyonions]

Isn't "correct" considered to be "what most people will say in practice"?

This statement does not even qualify as a good example of sophism. If you promise to purchase this book (see LINK), I will send you funds via PayPal:
https://www.amazon.com/Traditional-Logic-Introduction-Formal-byCothran/dp/B004UMX8TY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477596423&sr=8-1&keywords=Traditional+Logic+1%3A+Introduction+To+Formal+Logic

Certain domains, such as law and mathematics, depend on a level of precision in syntax and usage rarely found in daily conversation, but the language as a whole is mostly much fuzzier and in many cases people figure out what others want to communicate through context, background knowledge, or asking for a clarification rather than by chopping through sentences like a programming language parser. Telling someone who states a commonly accepted view among linguists that he requires instruction in basic logic (and "generously" offering to pay for it) is awfully pompous.

[Speakeasy]

... a commonly accepted view among linguists that ...

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/appeal-to-authority.html

Linguists ... linguistics ... would that be one of those "Social Sciences" that I've heard about?